The Portrait of Zool Posted May 4, 2005 Report Posted May 4, 2005 (edited) The night falls like an unveilling of cosmic wonder and delight The sunlight that guides our days dissolving letting the infinite out Only then can we see released from our frenetic days and time imprisoned ways how we burn so bright yet so short Like a falling star out of destiny and into fate Edited May 4, 2005 by The Portrait of Zool
Peredhil Posted May 4, 2005 Report Posted May 4, 2005 Good to see poetry from you Zoolio. I like the image very much. Nit pick - should it be infinite in the last line/first stanza? Post more of your poetry.
The Portrait of Zool Posted May 4, 2005 Author Report Posted May 4, 2005 Good catch on the typo Master P. Thanks.
Mira Posted May 6, 2005 Report Posted May 6, 2005 Good stuff, and I must echo Peredhil here. "Post more of your poetry. " Its so very good.
Wyvern Posted May 8, 2005 Report Posted May 8, 2005 A very nice poem, Zool. I really liked the simile of the fallen star and the imagery of the sunlight dissolving, both of which struck me as original and evocative and stuck with me after reading the work. I also thought the tone of this piece was very interesting, as it initially seems full of wonder and gradually falls with the contemplation of time imprisoning people. In terms of potential imrpovements: while I really enjoyed the specific imagery of the piece, I was less fond of the more general observations in it, such as the "cosmic wonder and delight" and the somewhat hazy distinction between destiny and fate (though I do like how the latter term has a more negative tone). To strengthen these moments, you could consider expanding upon them with more detail... I'm actually very curious as to what elements of the night sky evoke wonder and delight, for example. :-) Nicely done, once again.
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