DL_Snake Posted May 1, 2005 Report Posted May 1, 2005 (edited) I knew a hag What a nag Gave her a bag She wants a rag What a drag She makes me gag Silly old hag ------------- Wrote this after my Finals were over...exam free for a whole year! yay!!! Edited May 1, 2005 by DL_Snake
reverie Posted May 1, 2005 Report Posted May 1, 2005 (edited) I knew a hag What a nag Gave her a bag She wants a rag What a drag She makes me gag Silly old hag --- hmm, hope the finals went well... Anyway... there's room to expand the ending slightly, if you like... for example... instead of just "silly old hag" you could say some along of the lines of: I knew a hag What a nag Gave her a bag She wants a rag What a drag She makes me gag I knew a nag Silly old hag or I knew a hag What a nag Gave her a bag She wants a rag What a drag She make me gag I knew a hag I watched her sag... ya know, stuff like that... to make it rounder... or could do this: I knew a hag What a nag Gave her a bag She wants a rag What a drag She makes me gag. Silly old hag or just could leave as is... whatever, just things I see... rev... Edited May 1, 2005 by reverie
DL_Snake Posted May 2, 2005 Author Report Posted May 2, 2005 LOL i was trying not to repeat any words (except hag) so i can't use yout first suggestion, thanks for your suggestion...changing it to this one: I knew a hag What a nag Gave her a bag She wants a rag What a drag I watched her sag She make me gag Silly old hag thanks =]
drummondo Posted May 3, 2005 Report Posted May 3, 2005 I think the point rev is trying to make is that the repetition of the first line would make the poem seem rounder, and give it some kind of resolution. I do like it as it is, it's quaint, almost cute, but I do agree that the little touch of repetition might make it seem... I'm not sure... maybe a little more professional, certainly more smile-inducing. Fun stuff though
reverie Posted May 3, 2005 Report Posted May 3, 2005 (edited) drum: yeah, something like that...but was not actively thinking about what particular line had to be repeated... just went with my gut feeling... DL: your welcome... I'm no expert... just a lay-poet on mission to change the world... one syllable at a time... rev... Edited May 3, 2005 by reverie
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