Birth-day Par-tay!!!

[Vlad]

Her parents had been planning for months. This was going to be the perfect day. This would be the best birthday party that an eight-year-old Appy would ever have.

 

Her parents made sure that everything would be perfect. They hired a band. They hired an ice cream man who claimed to have traveled the world in search of desserts. And the circus was coming. This was all to be on the parents’ estate in the middle of Jersey.

 

Naturally, everything went terribly and horribly wrong.

 

The first signs of trouble began in the articulated limousine sent to gather small children from around the state to the party. The second driver had a heart attack. This may have been caused by the millions of brats with too much sugar in their veins, or possibly just Minta Rose. The third driver tried to cover for his comrade, but to no avail. The front end of the limo went straight into the pool, and the tail end of the limo fish-tailed, killing three members of the originally scheduled band.

 

The musicians were quickly replaced by almost professional replacements. While the “Almost Dragonics,” arrived at the party and began to set up their equipment on the pool-side stage, their manager, Wyvern, quickly calculated extra fees he could charge his patrons.

 

The chaos didn’t subside when the Marvelously Fantastic Malarkey and Co. Circus arrived. While advertised as having padded seats and skylights, the Malarkey and Co. Circus had rotting wooden seats and .34 cal holes in the tarp with the faded word ARMY on it. The workers possessed suspicious looks on their faces, and all wore stained T-shirts and caps with the circus emblem. Each robot was nearly identical in construction.

 

Last to arrive was Ferdinand, the shifty eyed ice cream man. Upon arrival, he opened the back of his unmarked conversion van in order to distribute his goods. Trying to better advertise his location, Ferdinand began singing along with his truck’s cliché music in a thick Eastern European accent. Well enough enticed, some children decided to crawl inside and were never seen or heard from again. Unfortunately, the circus animals didn’t take to this music as well as the children, especially Fluffy, the five-year-old baby elephant.

 

Fluffy felt the desire to charge at the abomination. Ferdinand, fearing for his life, took a double-chocolate-Oreo-explosion cone and threw it up to distract the beast. Distracted, Fluffy turned to charge at the actual band, who was warming up. First she headed towards the leopard-skin tattooed guitarist, but turned away upon sight that he was courted by Charlotte the Cheetah. She turned to the keyboardist, but shied away once more upon seeing that he had more piercings than facial tissue. Finally settling upon the drummer, who by pure coincidence had no musical talent, Fluffy made contact. Being seven and a half feet tall with six inch platform shoes didn’t help his chances at survival.

 

Seventeen bones were crushed in one instant. Bloodcurdling screams echoed through the swimming pool. The elongated musician fell over his cymbals. The planets had aligned this fateful day. The drummer became submerged amid countless obscenities.

 

Finally losing control, the parents called in the 101st airborne. Performing a series of rapid pick-and-drop flights, the birthday party quickly came to an end. Ferdinand disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the musicians drowned themselves in the pool, ensuring Wyvern all profits, or losses.

 

Yes, this truly was a birthday that little Appy would remember her entire life.

 

AN: The idea is kind of odd. The brainstorming was fun. The writing was something I wish I could do more often.

 

And I went a little over the 500 word limit. If it makes you feel any better, you can look at only the top/bottom words within the limit. No guarantees that you'll still find the phrase, though!

Edited April 14, 2005 by Vlad

[Akallabeth]

Erhem. . .

 

I'd like to thank Vlad for writing this excellent tale, as I feel it would be wrong of me to claim credit when all I helped with was the brainstorming. Thanks Vlad, and you did an excellent job!

[The Portrait of Zool]

Great story!

 

That is a tough word limit, I must agree.