drummondo Posted April 13, 2005 Report Posted April 13, 2005 I normally despise short poems, but I think these lines are perfect as they are, and any attempt to add to them detracts from the message. Sh. I gave you chocolates But they melted In the sticky heat Of conversation.
Yui-chan Posted April 13, 2005 Report Posted April 13, 2005 Drummondo, I think this is lovely and elegant... yet the meaning is escaping me. Don't take that too heavily; I'm kind of poetry-inhibited most of the time and have a hard time finding the deeper message. This is about ... talking without listening? Or perhaps about the disappointing result of furthering a first impression? In need of edumacation, ~Yui
drummondo Posted April 13, 2005 Author Report Posted April 13, 2005 The way I wrote it, I tried to add a new dimension to the poem with each new line. I gave you chocolates This is a positive line; it involves the giving of a present. Chocolates are a common present for birthdays, Valentines day, and romantic occasions. There's a hint of romance, and the poem immediately takes on a positive tone. But they melted Contrast to the aforementioned positivity; we now have a negative image of the chocolates melting. It involves neglect (due to not keeping them refrigerated or something) and a hint of "not caring". Also denotes the fact that they were left long enough without being eaten; did the girl not want the chocolates? In the sticky heat An additional line now adds a certain twist to the poem; perhaps it wasn't due to neglect at all, and it was just the summer weather that got to them. Of conversation. An addendum to the previous line which now gives us the notion of conversation being heated and altogether tedious and bad. This mainly works due to the play of "heat", as in a heated row. This then links with the title, "Sh.", which is the sound you make when you wish someone to be quiet. It's like saying "Shut up and eat your chocolate", and in doing so, get on with the relationship. Overall, the poem describes a relationship in which the giver of chocolates is making the effort to be romantic and what not, but the relationship itself doesn't support this romance, and it's not exactly a mutual love. At least, that's what I thought
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