Mira Posted April 10, 2005 Report Posted April 10, 2005 Her hand in mine, Fingers entwined I'm squeezing too tight and I know it. She smiles at me And I loosen my grip, We rearrange hands To another perfect fit. Its so new Every second is new Every feeling the first. -------------------------- Her eyes, / They're so beautiful / as they gaze into mine. / They see past my weakness; / Past my outwardly flaws They see me. / Those are the first set of eyes. / The first set of eyes that see me. -------------------------- a kiss is an odd thing it starts in the eyes you gaze down into her eyes through them the only way to stop yourself from drowning in those eyes is to close yours and at that moment some force pulls you Eros pushes your lips to hers they are soft softer then anything you have ever felt you want to stay there forever breathing life into each other something pulls you apart and it ends where it started in the eyes
Salinye Posted April 10, 2005 Report Posted April 10, 2005 Love poems, Mira? Is that what you're calling these now? *grins* Hmmmmmm.... ~Salinye
Ayshela Posted April 10, 2005 Report Posted April 10, 2005 beautiful. i always like reading what you bring, Mira, but these especially touched my heart. the first, especially, made me smile. sometimes he clings, sometimes i do, but yes - it's always a perfect fit. well said. =)
Loki Wyrd Posted April 10, 2005 Report Posted April 10, 2005 I liked the last one the best. I particularly liked the how you used "some force pulls you" and "breathing life into each other."
Mira Posted April 12, 2005 Author Report Posted April 12, 2005 They were watching a movie But we didn't feel like joining So we headed outside Into the cool night air The grass still tried to hold on To the warmth of the day I noticed As we lay down upon it To stare at the stars Other then the hushed whisperings Of the wind that rushed through The bare lonely branches of trees The world was silent It was not a awkward silence though It was knowing and peaceful So we held on to each other And tried to stop the world
Loki Wyrd Posted April 14, 2005 Report Posted April 14, 2005 I thought you did a pretty good job describing the scene, making it feel to me like it was a memory of my own--maybe it was. "The grass still tried to hold on/To the warmth of the day I noticed"--I would suggest using a unique personification here, it could convey the same thing, but much more powerfully. I did, however, like the simple nature of the first stanza, starting the tone fairly lightly. I also liked your third stanza, particularly "bare lonely branches." And "tried to stop the world" is a nice way of ending your poem.
Da_Yog Posted April 14, 2005 Report Posted April 14, 2005 I very much liked the soft, easy to read style, of these poems. Nice language conveying a peaceful, romantic sentiment.
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