Reduce One Day To Words

[drummondo]

Ha, can you make anything of this?

 

Reduce one day to words,

And life is but another

Poetry collection.

One of those you spend

Time choosing a title for,

Only to gloss over it

(In hardback, at least),

And get straight to the

Point.

 

Get straight to the point

With life, and

There would be no use

For poetry. Catch 22 winks,

More than usual,

And as you stare at the

Same ceiling, spare no thought

For lost romance; you did not

Click.

 

Walk home, as the monotone

Of the everyday soundtrack

Skips, and for one brief moment,

All you hear are

Weary shouts of discord.

Ignorance is bliss,

Unless you know exactly how

To handle this kind of

Adventure.

 

Steps and breaths.

We are nothing but steps and breaths.

Directions change, but less than best

Is recklessness. Second-guess

Your next unrest. Let's undress.

Small steps. Shallow breaths.

Take

It

Slowly.

 

Enter hair and eyes,

And that first glimpse of

Personality, as she smiles.

Muted conversation, until

You remove the music.

Now she is your soundtrack;

Listen.

Comment.

Realise.

 

Watch her eyes unfold

Like so many wings from trees

As a gunshot rings,

And she shatters the silence

In the blink of an eye.

Passion is best left

To those in its embrace.

For more information,

Consult your local

Thought-thief.

 

Although now with

Less apprehension,

And a little more

Attention to detail,

It ends as abruptly

As it began.

Note the click

Of time upon the wall.

Point out to her;

This is the beginning of an

Adventure.

Overcome by the slow realisation that

She steals your thoughts with ease,

And an idea for a title.

[Wyvern]

I think that this is a fantastic poem, drummondo. It caught my attention from the very first stanza with its original approach, and didn't let go until the powerful closing repetition that tied things together. I loved the original similes, metaphors and details that you used throughout this piece, particularly those of life as an untitled poetry collection and the thought of the everyday soundtrack skipping. I also thought the final stanza did a great job of unifying the poem, especially with the last line which really showed the importance of the "She" in the poem.

 

In terms of potential things to improve: the word "Click" struck me as a bit odd, both in the second stanza and the final stanza, and you want to consider a word to replace it. Also, the second-to-last stanza seemed to move into more general territory with the lines "Passion is best left/ To those in its embrace," which didn't strike me as much as the rest of the poem. Finally, while I found the rhyme scheme of the fourth stanza very interesting, I was uncertain of its role in the stanza and it felt a bit out of place to me in the context of the rest of the poem.

 

Once again, brilliant stuff! This poem was a breath of fresh air to me.