Stumbling & Learning...

[drummondo]

Stumbling & Learning

 

The sun played heavily

Upon the face

Of things to come.

We offered help to all

The fast arriving fawns,

Flocking to be

Part of the Great

Community of trust.

Yet as they made their way

Into the copse,

The rain began

To threaten from above,

And on the eyes of hope,

Of innocence,

Fell countless drops

Of Purifying hate.

And from the eyes of hope,

Sallow and dimmed,

Fell subtle floods

Of reason, still ignored.

The trees around the copse

Flourished and grew,

Now nourished by

The gloom of others' strife,

And soon the branches closed,

And all the fawns

Were left outside,

So helpless, so alone.

[Cerulean]

Hi Drummondo,

 

I've come back to this poem a few times today, each consideration has provided me with a different scenario to contemplate and a further enjoyable read. Thank you for that. *applauds wildly* I loved your opening particularly, although it was one of many thoughtfully expressed lines.

 

I can see in the base metaphor a question of acceptance/ rejection, but this worked for me too on a level of political or geographical integration and dissolution. Additionally, I was reminded of 60/70s Britain, Enoch Powell's 'Rivers of Blood' speech and the subsequent tapestry of subtle inclusions and exclusions humankind weaves daily. You have sufficient ambiguity here, to permit the reader's individual interpretation, micro or macro. I admired that.

 

I won't presume to guess your intentions as the writer, but rather congratulate you on a stimulating read, which caused me to do a bit of research and thinking. (Never a bad thing, I'm a lazybones. )

 

Having observed your feedback preferences, could I speak from the pov of a snowy squirrel now:

 

My only nit is that fawns are such easy victims. I immediately pictured Bambi and was welling up even before the denouement! I feel the true strength of this piece lies in the interplay of understatement and nuance. The use of fawns weakened the mindscape imho and led me directly to a conclusion instead of allowing me to search tentatively for it myself. As I say, one small personal nit in a very accomplished piece.

 

Once again, thanks for posting. I'm enjoying exploring your work.

 

C