NightFae Posted April 1, 2005 Report Posted April 1, 2005 You'd like to say you knew meTo make yourself feel better You sat at the desk not caring As your teacher read the letter "To all of those who knew me To all of those who cared I'm sorry for the pain I've caused I hope you two can bear To the rest of you Those who couldn't care less I'm sorry you passed up the chance I wish you all the best." But now I'm dead and now I'm gone But it doesn't cross your mind That all of you that just don't care You caused my suicide *My suicide*
Salinye Posted April 1, 2005 Report Posted April 1, 2005 I really liked this poem, thank you for sharing it! If I were to offer any critique at all, it would be that the third stanza didn't flow as well as the other stanzas. I like the point you are trying to make with that stanza and I think it's essential to the message of the poem, but it doesn't roll off the lips as well as the other three stanzas do and breaks the flow up. I'm not the strongest poet here, so I'm not exactly sure of suggestions to offer if you are to rework that, but perhaps one of the other poets here will know! Thanks again, I really enjoyed that. ~Salinye
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