Patrick Posted March 27, 2005 Report Posted March 27, 2005 OOC: Just a little idea of mine. I created a poem with five verses, each verse saying the same thing, but in a different language. I chose the title in english so that all understand it. If you are wondering, the first verse is in hungarian, and I only managed to make the rhymes work there. This is the first poem I ever wrote so all and any criticism is appreciated. Tavasztol nyárig or From spring to summer or Du printemps jusqu'à l'été or Vom Frühling bis Sommer or De la primavera hasta el verano A madarak vígan üdvözölték a tavaszt, Hangjuk elhallattszott egészen a szobámig. Gyengén feküdve betegágyamon, Néztem én is a tél-űző tavaszt. Tudtam, eltart majd nyárig. De akkor én már nem leszek itt. The birds happily welcomed spring, Their voice carried even into my room. Weakly lying on my sickbed, I too watched spring succeeding winter. I knew, that it would last until summer. But then I shall not be here anymore. Les oiseaux chantaient le bienvenue au printemps, Leur voix arrivait jusqu’à ma chambre. Couché dans mon lit de malade, Moi aussi je regardais le printemps succéder à l’hiver. Je savais que ça durerait jusqu’à l’été. Mais l’été je ne serais plus là. Die Vögeln begrüβten den Frühling, Ihre Stimmen kamen in mein Zimmer ein. Legend in meinem Krankenbett, Ich beobachte auch der Frühling den Winter folgen. Ich wusste dass es wurde bis Sommer dauern. Aber dann wurde ich schon nicht hier sein. Los pàjaros acogaban la primavera, Sus voces llegaban en mi habitacion. Echado enfermo en mi cama, Yo miraba también la primavera suceder a l’invierno. Yo sabeba que esto va a durar hasta el verano. Pero yo ya no voy a estar aqui. Quote
Sweetcherrie Posted March 27, 2005 Report Posted March 27, 2005 Nice, a bit sad, but nice I think this would be the Dutch version. Van lente naar zomer De vogels zongen de lente een warm welkom toe Hun stemmen droegen zelfs tot in mijn kamer Zwak liggend op mijn ziekbed Keek ik ook toe hoe lente de winter opvolgde Ik wist, dat lente zou overgaan in zomer Maar dan zal ik hier niet meer zijn Quote
Zadown Posted March 27, 2005 Report Posted March 27, 2005 (edited) *cracks his knuckles* Lessee... Keväästä Kesään Linnut iloisesti toivottivat kevään tervetulleeksi, Niiden äänet kiirivät minunkin huoneeseeni. Voipuneena maaten sairasvuoteellani, Minäkin katselin kevään voittoa talven yli. Tiesin, että näytös kestäisi kesään asti, Vaikken silloin enää olekaan täällä. Heh, my Finnish sucks. Edited March 27, 2005 by Zadown Quote
Lady Celes Crusader Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 La partie française (malgré quelques erreurs) est très intéressante. Zadown: Your finnish is better than my none existent one. Quote
Vlad Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 I'm going to try it... (Doubly difficult because this keyboard doesn't have the alphabet marked on it...) =( (Triply: I can't spell to save my life...) *Russian* От весны до осни Птици радосна весну встречали, Голоса неслись и даже мне. Жалко лежа на кровати, Я глядил и весен за зимой. Знал что будет все до лета, Но все будет без меня. And now a literal translation back to english, just because I always find those so curious. And I like seing how the sentances are formed differently. An aqcuired taste, no doubt. From spring to autumn Birds happily spring welcome, Voices carried to even me. Poorly laying on a bed, I gazed to springs past winter. I knew it would be all until summer, But all would be without me. Close, eh? Quote
Patrick Posted March 31, 2005 Author Report Posted March 31, 2005 La partie française (malgré quelques erreurs) est très intéressante. C'était quoi les erreurs? Quote
Appy Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 I took the liberty of looking over your German version and made some improvements, grammar-wise. My German is not great, specially not on paper. But I think I know what I'm doing after living in this country for over 2 years and 5 years of basic schooling before that. Ah dissillusion is something great don't you think? Original English The birds happily welcomed spring, Their voice carried even into my room. Weakly lying on my sickbed, I too watched spring succeeding winter. I knew, that it would last until summer. But then I shall not be here anymore. Original German Die Vögeln begrüβten den Frühling, Ihre Stimmen kamen in mein Zimmer ein. Legend in meinem Krankenbett, Ich beobachte auch der Frühling den Winter folgen. Ich wusste dass es wurde bis Sommer dauern. Aber dann wurde ich schon nicht hier sein. Appy's version Die Vögeln begrüßten fröhlich den Früling. Ihre Stimmen kamen sogar in mein zimmer ein. Liegend in meinem Krankenbett, Beobachtete auch ich wie der Frühling auf den Winter folgte. Ich wusste das es sich bis zum Summer halten wurde. Aber bis dahin werde ich schön nicht mehr hier sein. I am very curious to learn how you created all these, did you do them from the top of your head? If so, kudos for knowing so many languages well enough that you are comfertable writing poetry in it! I personally often grab my English to German, or even my Dutch to German dictionary when writing in German. But that doesn't help much when it comes to grammar. How did you deal with that? And at last, I like the poem a lot. It was very interesting to see it in this many languages, and those that I could read were.. hmm reminiscing. Reminded me a lot of a book that I once read about a very sick girl (who of course built up a wonderful friendship with someone not so sick blabla the typical teeny novel) It had a good grip on my emotions back then, and so does this poem. So full of longing and wonder. Well done. I hope to see more of this Quote
Patrick Posted March 31, 2005 Author Report Posted March 31, 2005 Appy's version Aber bis dahin werde ich schön nicht mehr hier sein. I am very curious to learn how you created all these, did you do them from the top of your head? If so, kudos for knowing so many languages well enough that you are comfertable writing poetry in it! I personally often grab my English to German, or even my Dutch to German dictionary when writing in German. But that doesn't help much when it comes to grammar. How did you deal with that? The word I highlighted in your version I think doesn't need the umlaut, as then it would mean beautiful. But I, of course, might be wrong. About your question: I did need some help from online translators with the german and the spanish. My mother's hungarian, and my father's english, so those two went pretty easily. I've learnt french since the age of 8, and have been studying in France for the last 18 months, so that was also easy. The german turned out to be a little rusty as I hadn't done any of it for the last two years, but eventually with some help from Sweetcherrie I managed. And I'm in my second year of learning spanish now, so that was probably the hardest and will probably have most of the mistakes. Quote
Appy Posted March 31, 2005 Report Posted March 31, 2005 ack, you're right, it doesn't need that umlaut and does mean beautiful right there It's one of the things that I still tend to loose my way in with German, the umlauts. That and the uhm 'naamvallen' (the die der das den dem and so on)... Thanks for your explanation, interesting indeed... Quote
Lady Celes Crusader Posted April 1, 2005 Report Posted April 1, 2005 Du printemps jusqu'à l'été The birds happily welcomed spring, Their voice carried even into my room. Weakly lying on my sickbed, I too watched spring succeeding winter. I knew, that it would last until summer. But then I shall not be here anymore. Les oiseaux chantaient le bienvenue au printemps, Leur voix arrivait jusqu’à ma chambre. Couché dans mon lit de malade, Moi aussi je regardais le printemps succéder à l’hiver. Je savais que ça durerait jusqu’à l’été. Mais l’été je ne serais plus là. In the quote box are the original English and French version. Here's a corrected French version. Les oiseaux chantaient la bienvenue au printemps. *1 Leur voix arrivaient jusqu'à ma chambre. *2 Étendu dans mon lit, malade. *3 Moi aussi je regardais le printemps succéder à l'hiver. Je savais que ça durerait jusqu’à l’été. Mais l’été je ne serais plus là. *1 Bienvenue is feminine *2 There's several voices so the verb should be at the 3rd plural person *3 The expression "lit de malade" is unexistant although "lit de mort" is. I've choosed the phrasing so that you keep the same syllable count while keeping the same meaning. Quote
Patrick Posted April 1, 2005 Author Report Posted April 1, 2005 *2 There's several voices so the verb should be at the 3rd plural personIf you put the verb into the third plural person shouldn't you also put an s at the end of leur? Otherwise it would still just mean their voice, no? Thanks for the other corrections. Quote
Tanuchan Posted April 1, 2005 Report Posted April 1, 2005 Well... trying then a Portuguese version... Original English The birds happily welcomed spring, Their voice carried even into my room. Weakly lying on my sickbed, I too watched spring succeeding winter. I knew, that it would last until summer. But then I shall not be here anymore. Portuguese version Os pássaros cumprimentavam a primavera, felizes Suas vozes chegavam até mesmo ao meu quarto. Deitado sem forças em meu leito de enfermo Eu também observava a primavera sucedendo ao inverno Eu sabia que isso duraria até o verão Mas então, não estarei mais aqui. Translating Portuguese back into English.... The birds greeted Spring happily their voices came even to my room. Lying down weakly in my sickbed I also watched Spring suceeding Winter I knew it would last until Summer But then, I won't be here anymore. Quote
Lady Celes Crusader Posted April 2, 2005 Report Posted April 2, 2005 After rechecking, both Leurs voient arrivaient and Leur voix arrivait are good. Finicky tongue... Quote
Tyrion Posted April 6, 2005 Report Posted April 6, 2005 (edited) Actually, "Leur voix" means each person (or bird in this case) has one voice, and "Leurs voix" means each has several. Think of "Leur" and "Leurs" as "Son/Sa" and "Ses" applied to many people. If you transpose the situation to one bird in this case, the correct phrasing is "Sa voix arrivait" so the correct form with several birds is "Leur voix arrivaient." In any case the use of "Leur(s)" means the verb is plural. I feel useful. Edited April 6, 2005 by Tyrion Quote
scottlpool2003 Posted June 11, 2009 Report Posted June 11, 2009 These poems are fantastic, keep up the hard work! Quote
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