HappyBuddha Posted March 17, 2005 Report Posted March 17, 2005 (edited) Farewell eyes, silent like lightning, pure shirtless frame serene like a centrifuge, I cried amongst brothers, ^blurry sobs coloring the cold Tennessee darkness that clapped down upon my eternal flame, ^a single stuttering breath dying to rejoin the pitch-black weathered lodge where the sounds of sneakers scuffling on an unyielding floor, of hands slapping and slipping across sweat-slickened skin, of the joyous flash and epiphany of a love-filled head greeting cracked concrete, of frantic scrabbling cries and hoarse curses all flowed into one last wrenching note of unadultered glory. Criticism and praise are equally welcome - just be truthful, and respond with what you think this poem deserves (Anything, from level 1 to 5. Just be truthful). Interpretation/explication is also welcome, if you so feel. Edited March 17, 2005 by HappyBuddha
Peredhil Posted March 17, 2005 Report Posted March 17, 2005 First read: I appreciated the imagery. The current rushing one line formatting made it hard for my lil' ADD brain to follow it though. *hugs*
HappyBuddha Posted March 17, 2005 Author Report Posted March 17, 2005 (edited) Yeah, I would significantly shrink the margins if this forum would allow me - actually, I guess I can do that manually. I'm going to go and edit that in right now. Edited March 17, 2005 by HappyBuddha
Recommended Posts