Oh tötet mich..

[Appy]

Oh tötet mich! und kuck' nicht weg

Ja merk dir deine Arbeit

Und blicke auf die Horizont

Wo ich erscheinen wird

 

Oh tötet mich! und pass gut auf

Damit das Blut erst fließt

Betrachte dann das Abendlicht

Wo ich für immer bin

 

Oh tötet mich! und gebe acht

Wie atemlos ich werde

Und shau im richtung Dämmerung

Wo ich dein blick erwider'

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh murder me! and don't look away

Yes take notice of your work

and look towards the horizon

Where I will appear

 

Oh murder me! and pay close attention

so that the blood can flow

and then look at the evening light

Where I will be forever

 

Oh murder me! and pay attention

how breathless I become

and look towards the dusk of day

Where I will look back at you

 

 

~ Leverkusen, 25-02-2005 ~

 

 

Translating this one was a real pain.. it seems that german has more different ways of saying the same thing than there are in english. That's all great for poetry, but terrible in a translation heh. So you have my apologies for that, I did the best I could. Hope you enjoy despite that

 

I am very curious as to what people will 'see' in this one, seeing as how I actually did have something specific in mind this time. Normally I just write what's there, this one has effort and a theme behind it! *cheers* I wonder who will notice

 

Oh, and if anyone finds mistakes, be it in the german or the english version (but most likely in the german) please post so! Much obliged - Appy out.

 

[edit: changed Wie atemlos ich wird to Wie atemlos ich werde since I believe that's the proper grammar... should run this by my hubby maybe, who's german afterall ]

Edited February 25, 2005 by Appy

[Sweetcherrie]

It feels a bit dark but longing at the same time,

 

I do get a slightly different feeling with the German version, because it seems that the words are...erm...more correct? more precise? something like that at least.

 

As to finding any mistakes, my German is not that good

 

But I like this poem as it sort of testifies of fatalism.

 

- Sweetcherrie

[Appy]

Thank you

 

And yes, the German does sound better doesn't it... it's why it IS in German in the first place even. If I could've said this in English I'd have preferred that, since translating poems always feels... strange. Not done.

 

thanks again for the comment

[Lady Celes Crusader]

Although it's double work, the process of translation is fun because it forces to pushes ourselves over the limits of different tongues.

 

As I cannot judge the German version, the English version is very interesting nonethless.

[Appy]

Morgane was nice enough to go through the grammar and correct it where it was off, thanks hun! *huggles*

 

Oh tötet mich! und kuck' nicht weg

Ja merk dir deine Arbeit

Und blicke auf den Horizont

Wo ich erscheinen werd

 

Oh tötet mich! und pass gut auf

Damit das Blut erst fließt

Betrachte dann das Abendlicht

Wo ich für immer bin

 

Oh tötet mich! und gieb acht

Wie atemlos ich werd

Und schau in richtung Dämmerung

Wo ich deinen Blick erwieder'

[Sweetcherrie]

And this one was worth a 'bump', I still like it

[unimatrix]

merken - to notice...learned a new German verb today.

 

It's not one that I remembered off the top of my head.

 

 

It's a solid translation in my book. I do work in translating German to English (mainly patents and such/technical writing) and I probably would have made the same grammatical mistakes going from English to German. Mainly because my last grammar class was in 2000, so it's a little rusty.