Guido's Bachelorette Date

[Katzaniel]

OOC: Master P is too polite to tell me how badly I'm butchering Guido's accent, so bear with it. Anyway, part one...

 

 

Gabriel's ears were filled with a cacophany of clanking, and he could not help but reflect on the aptitude of the word 'cacophany'. Stuck in Horace's suitcase as he had been for the last few years, sound had suddenly gained the utmost importance. Nevertheless, the clanging eminating from what seemed like all around was not helping him to identify what was going on. Not wanting to admit even this small defeat to the demon who had captured him, it took a while before he finally called out to her.

 

"Horace, honey," he said mockingly. "What exactly are you doing?"

 

"Don't call me that!" she said, panic entering her voice. "Guido might not like that."

 

"Who is Gui... oh." Suddenly Gabriel recalled the Bachelorette Auction thing for which Horace had signed up, and that her winner was a giant guinea pig by the name of Guido.

 

"My date," she answered needlessly, beginning the banging noises again.

 

"Okay, sure. Then what are you doing right now?"

 

"Cooking!" she called cheerfully. Horace had an uncanny knack sometimes for being good at the most unexpected things, but Gabriel groaned inwardly. He wondered who would get the money back if this Guido fellow became sick and died immediately after the dinner.

 

And the dischordant sounds continued. Gabriel decided to hold his hands over his ears until it was done, though it didn't help very much. Still he heard what he could now identify as pots being dropped, liquids boiling over, food being stirred entirely too sponaneously. It was already dark in the small room that was somehow inside of the suitcase, but he closed his eyes anyway. Guido was in for some treat.

[Katzaniel]

Guido rang the doorbell, singing to himself. Tonight would be a nice treat from his usual duties.

 

A terrific crash met his ears, then the sound of Horace scrambling to get to the door. "Coming, Guido, dear!"

 

Dear? he had time to wonder before the door opened and he saw his date for the first time in person. She had a pretty face, a surprised look, and... her jaw was dropping. What did that mean?

 

"You're.... a... guinea pig?" muttered the demoness. Guido had only an instant to react - he thought he'd left this sort of thing behind when the Boss had brought them to the Pen - when a voice inside his head said, "By God, Horace, how could you have not known that??" This was somewhat along the line of his own thoughts, but it wasn't his own thought. What was going on here?

 

"What is dat?" he mumbled, scratching his head.

 

"A guinea pig," repeated Horace, lost, as usual, in her own world.

 

"Just me," said the voice in the same confusing mind-to-mind manner. "I do apologize, but I can't seem to communicate in any other way while on Earth."

 

"Eart'? Say, jus' where are you, anyways?"

 

"A giant guinea pig!" insisted Horace. She still looked pretty with the surprised expression, but the density was getting tiring.

 

"I, uh, wouldn't like to come out while Horace is holding that briefcase," claimed Gabriel, getting an idea. He couldn't lie, but technically it was the truth. "Why don't you get her to set it down? Just take it from her. She's dangerous with that thing."

 

Guido knitted his brows. This was certainly a strange date. Whose voice was this, and why was the briefcase dangerous?

 

Finally, Horace registered the conversation that had been going on. "No!" she nearly shrieked. "Forget Gabriel! He's a liar! You can never trust those archa... uh... I mean lawyers?"

 

Guido was getting confused and annoyed. Whatever the voice was saying, whatever Horace was trying to say, they should come outright and say it, not dance around the issue like this. "Look, is youse telling me that youse has the Archangel Gabriel in dat t'ing?" The boss wouldn't like to hear about that sort of thing.

 

"No!"

 

"And da voice's answer?"

 

"No," said Gabriel dejectedly. Technically, Guido had asked what Horace had been trying to say, and Horace had been trying to lie. The devil with his lies had it easy. "But she -"

 

"Den dat's dat," stated Guido firmly. "Let's get on wit it."

 

"Oh, come in!" cried Horace, rapidly coming to terms with the nicely dressed guinea pig on her doorstep. "I cooked us dinner!"

 

Guido stepped into the house.

[Katzaniel]

Supper had gone amazingly well, reflected Gabriel. There had been a lack of sincere compliments about the food, but Guido swallowed it without complaint. He constantly spoke of the atmostphere, saying he liked the candles, the tablecloth, the plates. He seemed a nice fellow, and Gabriel stayed silent throughout. After all, Guido or his 'boss' (of whom the guinea pig frequently spoke) had paid good money for an evening with the demoness, and he may as well enjoy it as best he could.

 

"Let's dance!" said Horace brightly. A brief pause, and then Guido: "Do youse have any moo-sic?" A longer pause, and finally Gabriel could stand it no longer. "She doesn't, but I would be willing to assist by singing for you."

 

"Dat would be inneresting," said the guinea pig, sounding intrigued. "I t'ink I'd like to try it."

 

"Wow, thank you, Gabriel!" remarked Horace excitedly. "I didn't know you could sing."

 

"What genre would the gentleman prefer?" inquired the angel, not giving Horace a chance to set the tone.

 

After a brief pause to consider, Guido said thoughtfully, "Do you know Moody Blues' Knights in White Satin?"

 

"Yes, a good choice," replied Gabriel, and launched immediately into the song. His voice was strong, but his tone gentle, and the melody came out a haunting and beautiful version of its normal form. It did not take long before he heard Guido and Horace stepping along to the rhythm.

[Katzaniel]

When the song ended, the footsteps went on for a moment more, slowed, then stopped. Gabriel was impressed that Horace had managed the entire song without tripping - perhaps it spoke to a skilled partner, perhaps only to incredible luck - and wondered what the pair were doing now. It occurred to him that Horace might be trying to round out the evening with a kiss, and he shivered at the thought of kissing a demoness. Still, Horace was remarkably earnest and decent as demon's went, and Guido, not knowing any better, would probably wonder at a lack of a kiss. So he would certainly not interfere.

 

The archangel tried to concentrate on another sound, and picked up a drip-drip-drip that he'd long forgotten was there. One did get used to nearly anything after long enough. Still, poor Guido had probably noticed it from the start, and never said a word. Gabriel would have to remind Horace to fix that tap, lest they ever have a second visitor, and probably not one as understanding as this one.

 

When Gabriel started listening again, Horace and Guido had changed location, to the doorstep probably, as they were in the middle of good-byes.

 

"I hadda good time," he was saying. "I'm glad I won ya, Horace. T'ank you fer a lovely evenin'."

 

"Oh, I had a great time, too," she crooned. "Thank you so much for coming."

 

Gabriel stopped listening again. They were probably hugging, now. That was the sort of thing humans did on dates, and Giant Guinea Pigs and Demonesses seemed to pick up the worst habits from humanity.

 

drip... drip... drip....

 

 

OOC: The end.

[Peredhil]

wondermous.

Youse da best