Tattered Posted February 5, 2005 Report Posted February 5, 2005 I hate me, I hate everything about me. From my head to my toes, in my entirety. I came to the realization earlier today, Everything I have, everything I stand to gain, All that makes me is worthless, empty and vain. I can't control my whims, my mind or direction. I can't get it right long enough to speak perfection. I forgive the unforgivable effortlessly just to torture me. To forgive I internalize to the detriment of my self esteem. I don't feel a thing I don't FEEL anything The tears won't come, I sit here stunned. Hours fly by, I just and stare and wonder why. I can no longer cry. Obsessively I cycle thoughts of self loathing phrases. I catch myself, yet remain bankrupt of all praises. I don't know why I cannot feel I hear you say love But nothing I feel. I have taken myself as my own captive. I have let adversity break down my line of defenses. I have cheated myself out of life to live. I lost sight of God while stacking fences and digging trenches. I feel the deepest loss standing lone at the bottom of a canyon. Why do I choose the torn and anguished to be my companion? I must be just like them or why would I tolerate? For all the wrongs that I must take, it's me I hate
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