Katzaniel Posted February 2, 2005 Report Share Posted February 2, 2005 (edited) Across the page my pen does swirl, Copying notes, my mind awhirl. The prof he likes to teach so much, He talks of vacuums, speed and such. I like the novel way he talks, I like how as he speaks, he walks. His interest in this stuff is strong; He consequently goes along, Un'ware of minutes rushing by, Not seeing the end of class is nigh. Compared to clocks near speed of light, A clock unmoving won't seem right. But one who talks of time so long Should know that his own watch is wrong. OOC: Thanks, Z! Your challenge actually caused me to write a poem using those... stresses... that everyone keeps talking about. If anyone would like to go through this and tell if I'm using it right/wrong or suggest ways to improve it, I'd be thrilled. Up 'till now I was never able to get this concept - now I think I've got it right. Edited February 7, 2005 by Katzaniel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zadown Posted February 2, 2005 Report Share Posted February 2, 2005 Pleasure's all mine - I like the poem, even if I can't help with the technicalities of it. Encore! Encore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted February 2, 2005 Report Share Posted February 2, 2005 Brilliant. But I think that the "just" in line 12 needs to be removed. And I stumbled over line 10 a few times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katzaniel Posted February 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 Vlad: I agree absolutely about both comments. I'll edit out the "just", but I simply don't know what to do about the other line. It stuck me as I was writing, and that was actually the best of the versions I considered. Regardless, here's another, this one inspired by the shoutbox. Hope I did it justice. Chocolate Caramel, mint, peanutty goodness, How many things go well with this, Oh delicious sensations, Cross my tongue, jubilation! Oreos, smarties, treats galore... Lovingly sweet, I long for more! All I desire is a larger ration, This mouth-filling passion, Explosions of melting flavour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetcherrie Posted February 8, 2005 Report Share Posted February 8, 2005 Ai, my mouth starts watering. I have read a poem about chocolate before...where was it again Aah, yes it was here *goes of to get the m&m's* -Sweetcherrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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