Wavechild Posted January 28, 2005 Report Posted January 28, 2005 hands freeze over as the light above flickers incandescent and i search for something i’ve not yet found, i might never find, because the bulb has cracked and i still feel shattered.
Tattered Posted January 28, 2005 Report Posted January 28, 2005 This poem could mean so many things...To me, it's about love. I would love to hear more on that. Short and sweet.
HappyBuddha Posted January 28, 2005 Report Posted January 28, 2005 The last three lines do an excellent job of breaking from the structure extant in the rest of the poem; the mounting syllables build the impact of the phrase, and really deliver home the message. A very smart move on your part, to break from the dominant poetic structure in that way. Without that breakup of the structure I don't think this poem would be nearly as good (and its good) as it is. I'm too lazy to rework that paragraph to fit in the side bit that the "shattered" aspect of the author is accentuated by the break, which 'shatters' the former structure through its harsh departure. Finally...I think you do a good job of making the two structures distinct while still complementary - the first structure uses the sentence breaks of the second, but on a less drastic scale that warms up the reader for the structure shift. As for the meaning...I'll leave that to someone else, I've exhausted my critical voice right here Man thats sloppy criticism, but better than nothing I hope
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