steviemac Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 It's a thin line... Between Love and Hate Between sadness and gladness Between chaos and order Between lost and found Between existing and living Between emptyness and fulfillment Between prince and pauper Between agony and ecstasy... ...and that thin line is the presence of YOU in my life
drummondo Posted January 25, 2005 Report Posted January 25, 2005 (edited) I think you should consider expanding on each of those lines. You could, in effect, produce the "Thin Line Collection", by doing something like this for each of your lines; Between Love and Hate It starts as you enter the faded bedroom, "Hi honey, I love you," My automatic greeting. Stop and think. Stop and think. Did you mean it? Love is vain, love is blind, And swings, unseeing, like birds in the wind, And in twenty minutes time We're at each other's throats with razor wit, Pouring out secrets sublime; "You don't love me," and I take a hit. Break for lunch, staring out the window Alone. This is making me feel sick, With fear, with loathing, with love, without you, I clasp my hands together and stare at the floor, There's a thin line between left and right, The point beyond sweet cards has come tonight, And you utter "I hate you" before you slam the door You've left, and I still swear I was right. Edited January 25, 2005 by drummondo
sweetnightmare Posted January 31, 2005 Report Posted January 31, 2005 Expanding on it would make it more, but i seem to like it as blunt and stright forward as it is.
Ayshela Posted February 6, 2005 Report Posted February 6, 2005 i like this. it is a thin line indeed. i'd love to see a whole collection, with this as the "introduction", the inspiration for a series of deeper looks at each one. not at all that you *have* to, this stands alone very well, but i'd love to see what you'd do with it. i'd really like to see your perspective on it.
Appy Posted February 6, 2005 Report Posted February 6, 2005 First off, I like the poem as it is. Short straightforward and to the point. A big bonus for this one is that it makes people think.. just see what you had Drummondo writing because of it I don't think this needs expanding at the moment, simply because that's the task of the reader. If you do expand it, it might aswell turn into a book with this at the start of it.. Besides.. it's all about the last line. Well done, I enjoyed reading it and thinking about the thinness of lines (is thinness a word even? )
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