sweetnightmare Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 (edited) Endless nights sleepless days tired, worn in so many different ways everthing is strange for far away every thing is new Everything but my love of you or who you were before My muse My inspiration My deepest temptation on my mind but pushed behind nothing to find but a broken glass mirror Shattered, but clearly too little to be seen light that does not shine a song that doesn't rhyme never replaced or forgotten something burning my mind is our time, that we shined and the angels were jealious but no one will tell us now, hatred is the seed a passion spent on greed a love that is forever lost in the trash onto the ground tossed Edited January 28, 2005 by sweetnightmare
purple_shadows Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 The only thing that i can really say about it first read through is that "Shaddered" is actually spelled "Shattered. And you need to take out the "i" in "jealous" Other than that, I like it. And can totally relate. I really like the last few lined the best. They end it quite nicely.
Knight Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 "to little to be seen" Not to nitpick, but that should be "Too little to be seen".
Sweetcherrie Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 Temptation has a t in it. I like the poem and it makes me want to say that even when love is in the dirt and on the ground, sometimes somebody walks by, picks it up, blows the dirt away, and gives it a place in its heart. *hugs*
Peredhil Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 All the grammar and spelling and stuff has been covered. All I can say is that as overwhelming as the feelings of the moment can be, it's worth giving yourself two weeks and making every attempt to focus on something other than the thoughts which trigger those emotions before making an decisions. It's amazing what two weeks can do. Plus, I wanted to give a hug. Hugs Peredhil
Ayshela Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 and if two weeks seems an unbearably long time to even consider - wait until tomorrow and look at it again. You can always decide tomorrow. *hugs*
sweetnightmare Posted January 28, 2005 Author Report Posted January 28, 2005 Thank you guys SOOOOOO!@! Much.... Hugs them all*
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