Loki Wyrd Posted January 22, 2005 Report Posted January 22, 2005 (edited) Surrendered to the feral jungle Once called home Remnants of a people Long since gone Indifferent to the places of worship Where blood was spilled to appease the gods Trampling on the learnings and knowledge That in the end failed them all Buildings lie in ruin Speaking of their past In a voice no longer heard That wasn't made to last Nothing glows anymore It's just deep and dark and black Where the whims of the wind Still may take it all back But there is a continuance to everything Life and death within the dirt And though our ways may not still be There is yet the earth we helped breathe Holding to the feral jungle Of this place once called home Reminder of a species Otherwise now forgotten This likely needs some revision. As always, any suggestions/comments would be appreciated. Edited January 22, 2005 by Loki Wyrd
Zadown Posted January 23, 2005 Report Posted January 23, 2005 Mmm I like it. *reads it a few times* It doesn't wallow in self-pitying angsty melodrama, which'd be easy, given the subject. *nods slowly to himself*
Sweetcherrie Posted January 23, 2005 Report Posted January 23, 2005 Ok......hmm......Ok.......... Feels like I have lost something precious. now goes trough her files to see if none of her stories have been eaten by a dangerous virus Yes I like it! There is only one phrase that I read differently than it was written. You have written: Still may take it all back and it felt as if it should have read: May still take it back But then again I'm blond and Dutch, so I might be really wrong there With love
Appy Posted January 23, 2005 Report Posted January 23, 2005 (edited) the brief reading I did, it sounded good. Also I agree with what Z said, you could've easily gone into angst, but didn't. Good job there PS: love the 'feral jungle' metaphor Edited January 23, 2005 by Appy
Ayshela Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 *seconds Appy* i LOVE the "feral jungle" image.
Recommended Posts