Introducing... the Mighty Pen Bachelorettes!

[Wyvern]

The lights of the Conservatory slowly begin to dim as rows of seats are filled with rowdy Pen males, who grin and mumble to one another as they glance towards the large curtained stage that has been set up at the center of the room. Many of the men take out notepads as they sit, eager to jot down details on each of the bachelorettes available in order to better woo them over the course of the auction period. Xaious the Master of Time and Riven sit in two adjacent seats around the middle row of the audience, silently eyeing the microphone stand and the dim rotating spotlight as they impatiently await the start of the event.

 

“So, any idea of who’s hosting this?” mumbles Riven, shifting left and right as Stick fidgets in the seat in front of him.

 

“From what I’ve heard, Ayshela might be introducing them in a two-piece suite” says Xaious, grinning as he stares directly over the head of Mr. Bunny. “Or maybe it’ll be Salinye in a bunny outfit. Who knows, they might have even hired Tzimfemme…”

 

Riven’s eyes widen further and further as Xaious lists the potential options, and he turns towards the Master of Time in disbelief once he’s finished. Xaious shrugs and grins upon seeing this, taking out a pair of high-power binoculars labelled “copyright 2017” and muttering:

 

“Don’t worry Riven, I got you covered.”

 

Mr. Bunny turns towards Xaious for a moment to flash him a quick “…” that can only imply “quiet, please,” and the lights of the Conservatory begin dimming again. A silence falls over the crowd as all eyes turn towards the stage and a drum roll cues up in the background, the spotlight brightening to focus on the area of the microphone stand. From some unknown location, the voice of Sexy the Elder Dwarf booms throughout the chamber, amplified through hidden loudspeakers:

 

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for… The Mighty Pen’s First Annual Bachelorette Auction!”

 

A monstrous cheer arises from the crowd.

 

“And heeeeere’s your host… that sinner amongst sinners, that greedy and lustful schemer, that infamous role model for everything negative in the Pen: Wyyyyverrrrn!”

 

Xaious and Riven stare in disbelief, their jaws dropping in disappointment as Wyvern walks onto the stage wearing a Christmas outfit, with two mistletoes attached to his horns instead of a traditional Santa cap. The overgrown lizard nervously adjusts the wrapping paper ribbon around his neck and raises his claws defensively as several groans of disappointment echo from the audience, grabbing the microphone and hissing:

 

“N-now gentlemen… I know you’re still slightly peeved at me for the manner I presented you in the last Carnival Auction, but pleassse gimme a chance. I’m gonna do better with the galsss, I promise!”

 

With that, the overgrown lizard snaps a scaly finger and the curtains are drawn back, revealing a large movie projector screen. Whipping out a remote control, the overgrown lizard presses a button on it in the hopes of cuing up a brief video clip, but accidentally switches the channels of the Pen Poem Discovery Booth instead. Fiddling with the control in confusion, the reptilian Elder changes the images on a projector located in the Athenaeum of the Pen and turns the Conservatory lights on and off several times before he finally manages to get the screen working. As soon as he’s managed to turn it on, the lizard pauses it and turns towards the crowd.

 

“Well then, thisss evening I’ll be introducing the many lovely Pen bachelorettes available for bidding in this auction. Thanks to our change in location from the Cabaret Room to the Conservatory, a brief video clip will also be offered for each of them by means of this movie screen. The ladies will be presented in alphabetical order.”

 

With that, the overgrown lizard presses ‘Play’ on the remote, cuing up a video clip of Alaeha sitting at a carnival booth next to Elrohir. She slowly leans in and plants a soft kiss on his cheek, flashing a mischievous look with her eyes.

 

“This half-elven babe goes by the name of Alaeha. Standing at 5’6” with short blond hair, she’s a talented Spellsinger and can use her songs as a powerful form of ‘persuasion,’ which is quite a nice to thing to have in dating. I’ve found that she’s rather difficult to convince when it comes to playing intense games of Twister… but let’s face it: those pale lavender eyes of hers ain’t exactly thanking Elrohir for the price of the booth in that clip.”

 

The overgrown lizard snickers to himself and hits ‘Play’ again, which starts up a clip of Annael sitting on a window ledge. She extends a hand and watches as a small group of butterflies flies from it, smothering giggles and swinging her legs back and forth while wiggling her bare toes.

 

“Next on the list of bachelorettes is beautiful Annael, the angel with the tilted halo. 5’8”, with curly black hair and a set of wings to match… supposedly she’s losing her feathers, but even without’em she’d be angelic. She loves butterflies and can be commonly found resting in the Pen’s largest oak tree – ideal private romantic picnic, anyone? She’s also quick to be affectionate, and can sooth even the wildest of animals. That’s right, Aardvark, I’m talking to you!”

 

With that, the overgrown lizard grins and clicks ‘Play’ again, turning the video to an image of Ayshela descending a staircase. Her elven slenderness is accentuated by a faintly clinging gown, which teases the eyes with deep swirling colours as her reddish brown hair flows behind her prettily like a cloak.

 

“Here we have Ayshela, third in the list of Pen bachelorettes. In addition to being another Pen beauty, she’s one of the masterminds behind the Winter Carnival, which means you could probably draw a bit of earned geld out of her if you gave her a good enough kiss. And speaking of kisses, she’s quite a kisser if kissing booths are any indication, and is a frequent hug-tackler at that. She also sings and dances with the best of the elves, and is perfect at getting people to drop their towels… by accident.”

 

Wyvern deeply blushes as he’s suddenly overcome by a very vivid memory, and holds his bleeding snout as he takes out a sheet of paper.

 

“The next Pen bachelorette is Hanna Lanett Walker. 5’3”, with medium to olive skin, fashionably dyed black/red hair, and a very distinct hatred for men. That’s right guys, she’s one of those challenging love/hate types that's just begging to be cracked open. According to this profile, she also “Loves to drink,” “likes to dominate,” and is “good at keeping secrets,” which is one of the dreamiest combos I’ve seen so far! *ahem* No good footage of her yet, unfortunately, but that’s certain to change after a date or two. Next up.”

 

Wyvern aims the remote again and presses ‘Play,’ and a clip of Horace standing in an area of the Underworld cues up. She exclaims “Oh yes master!” between excited breaths, continuing “I can do that for you, sure as sure. Just give me something to put him in-“

 

“This bachelorette’s name is Horace, and don’t let her formal business attire fool you, she’s a charismatic demon babe under that ordinary-looking outfit. It’s all Lucifer’s fault for telling her to tuck her tail in and hide her horns in her bangs, not to mention her “other horns” in that suite. Honestly, I question Hell’s motives nowadays… I mean, who doesn’t like scaly red tails and horns, right?! She’s also never seen without her briefcase and has been called evil before, so she’s definitely my kinda gal. This cutey is also flexible, if not a bit clumsy, and rarely feels any pain… so definitely worth a couple bids!”

 

Wyvern sticks out his reptilian tongue and clicks the remote again, pressing ‘Play’ and switching the screen to an image of Mynx in the process. Covered in stylish white tiger fur, she casts her icy blue eyes to the camera and purrs “Hey baby, like the winter look?”

 

“Our next bachelorette is Mynx, a very pretty blend of the feminine and the feline. She’s 5’7” and slender with a new arrangement of winter fur, and the grace and strength of the finest of tigers. In fact, you could probably even give her the affectionate nickname “tiger” and she wouldn’t mind it... score! It seems that the cold of Winter has resulted in a heavy petting season, as she is actually auctioning herself to any two bidders for the two different moods she can be in. So you can choose between a reasonable or a cheerful version of Mynx when you bid, which brings both class and variety to the table!”

 

Wyvern brushes a hand over the scales on his head to straighten them and hits ‘Play’ again, cuing up a clip of PS dancing skilfully in a conga line. She turns to the camera and brightly exclaims “check out my moves! I’d like to see a vampire try to resist this!”

 

“PS is the name of this energetic little bachelorette. A nice, earthy girl that’s very gentle and friendly, and can quilt and build huts like the best of Almost Dragonic manufacturers. She’s also blind, which could potentially result in some kinky love-related games, though getting carried away might cause her pet rat to attack you… or cause any private huts she might have built to collapse, for that matter. Still, definitely give her a shot for a date, since I’m sure she’s well-versed in matters of the heart. And Tamaranis, Vlad, and Black – I think that was a challenge she issued in that video clip!”

 

Wyvern grins and then takes out a sheet of paper, turning to the audience and hissing:

 

“Another bachelorette who we have no footage of currently, but who seems very intriguing indeed, is Rhapsody. She’s half liringlas, or “skysinger,” and half human, meaning she offers the best of both fairy-like and human qualities. She’s braved the fires of the center of the Earth, which has resulted in a supernatural beauty that’s nothing short of astounding. That’s right folks, no burn markings on this package… Ms. Rhapsody actually regained her maidenhood and perfected her features through her travels, to the point where (and I quote) ‘men stare in awe and often become aroused on sight.’ Best of all, she seems to be under some false notion that men of the Pen actually have some shred of dignity about their character, which makes this little madonna a perfectly exploitable target of affection! Be warned though: make your moves too quickly, and she might pick up on them in dreams… but hey, make them well enough, and that might actually add to the mood!”

 

Wyvern cackles evilly and folds the paper into an airplane, tossing it into the crowd and winking as he whips out the remote control again. Clicking on ‘Play,’ the screen brightens up again to reveal a clip of Salinye Celestialgrace, walking across a stage and dressed in absolutely stunning attire. Her strapless gown of pure white dazzles the eyes of the Conservatory crowd, blowing the minds of even those who had seen it previously at Merelas’ Fashion Show, its tiny ice blue snow flakes glimmering in a festive manner that beautifully contrasts with the pearls around her revealing neck. The crowd stares agape as Wyvern involuntarily rewinds the short snippet several times, his beady eyes following her every movement with each new take.

 

“Th-this Salinye. 5’9”. High elf, very high elf. Pretty. Fun. C-Carnival head. Pretty. Kind. F-Fun and elegent. High elf… nice dress. Good date. Preetttty.”

 

After he’s managed to finish stammering this, Wyvern slaps himself across the face, grumbling about how he knew he shouldn’t have used that particular video footage and turning to the audience. Noticing that they’re completely entranced with the video as well and aren’t paying any attention to his words, the lizard breaths a sigh of relief and presses ‘Play’ again, switching the clip to one of Shadows standing next to Ozymandias at a doorway. She gives the Loremaster a small kiss on the cheek and then smiles, whispering “I really did have a lovely evening. Let’s do it again some time.”

 

“Yet another babe of a bachelorette, Shadows stands at 5’5” with long wavy brown hair, green eyes, and a penchant for showing off good looks. A very wilful and independent bachelorette that practices martial arts and is ‘rarely seen without a skirt’… do I sense a kind of subtle challenge here? She’s also in the know about her sister PS, which could be useful… who knows, if you’re lucky, you could win both of’em and go for a double wammy! Good times.”

 

The reptilian Elder snickers and presses ‘Play’ again, watching as the movie screen switches to a clip of Wrenwind walking through a tavern until she faces an unidentifiable figure. She softly says “Now Sir I would dance with you” as a romantic song begins to play in the background, then turns to the camera and winks as she says “This is for you too.”

 

“Nearing the end of our list yet never losing steam, the next bachelorette on auction is Lady Wrenwind, who is perhaps one of the sweetest yet. Aside from her beautiful dark brown hair and hauntingly opalescent eyes, you will be treated to an excellent sense of good taste and an utterly kind-hearted spirit. To elaborate, allow me to draw upon my personal experience.”

 

With that, the lizard drops to his scaly knees, his eyes growing wide and glassy as Sexy the Elder Dwarf dashes out onto the stage with a violin. The dwarf begins playing “She’ll be Coming ‘Round the Mountain When She Comes,” only to be interrupted as the lizard slams his tail down angrily, at which point the music switches to a generic sad and contemplative melody. The spotlight falls on Wyvern as his claws tremble and he exclaims:

 

“Oh, she is so subtle in her ways! Indeed, there were hints from the moment she planted that kiss on my cheek in that Tag game a couple months ago, signs leading all the way up to her admitting to my being cute in a full letter of admiration. Oh Wrenwind, you have such good tastes when it comes to choosin-“

 

“Save it fer the date, lizard!” cries an angered member of the audience, tossing an empty bag of popcorn at the reptilian host over several shouts of approval. “We didn’t come here to listen to your love problems. You prolly won’t be able to afford her anyway, HA!”

 

Wyvern lets out a lengthy sigh as Sexy the Elder Dwarf rushes back off of the stage, not wanting to stick around for any larger tossed objects. Lifting himself to his feet, Wyv takes out his remote control again, aiming it at the screen and pressing the ‘Play’ button. The video switches to a clip of Zariah untying the ribbon of a box in her Pen quarters, which she opens to reveal an enticing strapless knee-length dress, with satin trim on the top and the bottom.

 

“Last but most definitely not least in the Pen bachelorette listing is the Pen’s one and only Crowgirl, Zariah. Her date with Gwaihir suggested an innocent timidity not present in many of the other bachelorettes, and she offers a unique dating experience through her affinity with crows and nature. She’s another sweety, and chances are you’ll be cawing in the language of love by the time the evening is out. C’mon now Gryphon, you know you’re tempted.”

 

Having said this, the overgrown lizard flashes a grin of razor sharp teeth and presses a different button on the remote, switching the channels of the Pen Poem Discovery Booth in the process. Scratching his scaly head in confusion, the lizard fiddles with the buttons again, turning the Conservatory lights on and off and cuing up several sound effects before he finally presses one that lights up the screen with the phrase:

 

“Place your bids! PM your top three date selections to Ayshela along with the amount of earned geld you wish to part with, and have a wonderful holiday.”

 

Nodding in approval, the reptilian Elder swiftly bows to the audience, then hisses:

 

“And that concludes the Pen bachelorette introduction summary for this Winter Carnival. There’s a chance that the bachelorettes themselves may come out on stage shortly to answer any of your questions, but I believe that my work as host is done here. A Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Flight!”

 

With that, the overgrown lizard takes off in the direction of the Conservatory exit just as an angry mob of Pen bachelorettes bursts into the opposite end of the room, brandishing holly bobs as nooses as they turn to avenge themselves against the lizard and his insinuative, out-of-context video clips and descriptions…

 

;-)

[Ayshela]

Ayshela appears onstage a bare moment after Wyvern escapes..

 

Given the holiday schedules and many people's travel plans (and the necessity of ensuring the geld listings are up to date):

 

 

Bidding may be done via PM to me OR e-mail to ayshela@gmail.com

Bidding will be open until the night of January 2nd, to allow our wanderers to return safely and with time to send in their bids.

 

As noted, please list your top three bid preferences and the amount you wish to bid. And thank you for your.. careful attention. =)

 

 

With a dazzling smile, Ayshela bids the gentlemen of the Pen a good evening. As her smile turns decidedly feline, she prowls in Wyvern's direction to join the throng of ladies about him...

[Peredhil]

Peredhil carefully takes notes on each Pen Lady and frowns at his Geld voucher. He'll have to get that updated.

 

After all, His Bodyguards and Sons were going to borrow the Geld he himself didn't spend on bidding to place their own bids...

 

 

OoC: Ladies, if any of you WOULDN'T want to write a date with either myself or Guido, Nuncio, Elladan, or Elrohir - PM me! I seem to have a lot of Geld and everyone of you look like winners to me.

 

Of course (winks at Zariah), if one of you is hoping for a date with that Certain Guy, they'll have to start earning Geld to top my bids...

[cryptomancer]

The Raven wonders if the 'all powerful and all knowing ring of summoning and binding' will burn if he bids.

 

[Quincunx]

Tzimfemme stares at the artifact, trying to sniff more detail out of it. "Maybe I could take a spin at partly disenchanting that for you," she talks to the ring, "tone it down a few cycles. When would it go off, when you bid, win, or go out on the town? because if it's not the last option, it's wound a bit too tightly." She frowns a bit. "So long as it maintains a 'Mine' field around you, you should be fine. We don't have any poachers on the Pen grounds as far as I know."

[Xaious, Master of Time]

Now to hope I win at least one of the ones I'd want....