Jade Posted December 23, 2004 Report Posted December 23, 2004 When he comes home late one night before the sun has broke he mutters softly about Working late, and Everyone knows how retail gets So just close your eyes and before the children wake, Hush. And when he sits on the mattress with a hush, the heaviness and the weight of the night settle in over the air and deafen my eyes. And he says You know, we're broke, but I don't think he understands, gets how I feel when he comes home late. Sometimes they ask Where's daddy I just say He's late. They know well enough to stop asking and hush. When he comes home, and they ignore him, well, that's what he gets. I wonder if he's out tipping women at night. I imagine him telling some girl It broke and the slow realization in her eyes. Just like the look in his eyes in high school, when I told him I was Late, and I wished that my mother had broke my back when I shut the door with a hush, and she knew I'd been with him all night. Her look said You'll get what you gets. Hope that young lady gets paid well when he covers her eyes, and follows her into the night and the children whimper and wonder why daddy is late. All I can do is tell them to Wait, and hush. Maybe his car is broke. When I balance the checkbook, I know we're not broke His job pays him well, I know what he gets. So this time when he opens the door, I say Hush. I see the reflection of him to me to her in his eyes and I say, You're late. But it's barely night. I ask him where he's been all night and he tells me to hush. I ask what he gets for his overtime and tell him we aren't broke. He looks me dead in the eyes and tells me, "she's late."
reverie Posted December 23, 2004 Report Posted December 23, 2004 wow. really. Narrative Poetry has never been my forte, but I love it when someone pulls it off so well... welcome back, rev...
Appy Posted December 23, 2004 Report Posted December 23, 2004 Had my eyes growing bigger all the way through, great read. Thanks I really like how you cut sentences weird and the format of narrative that you used. Definatly draws you in more this way. And I love how you manage to confuse me on who to feel sorry for. Well done!
Peredhil Posted December 27, 2004 Report Posted December 27, 2004 Really well done. Although I get all protective of her and angry at him for being a dog. Amazing how you captured such tension and built toward the resolution in so few lines. It's poems like this that make me love poetry. (ps. I'm taking the liberty of applying this to your "weenie award" as a buy off. If you want, you can put "non-weenie" or something in the subtopic to be official and all that.) Like Rev' said, welcome back.
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