Falcon2001 Posted December 20, 2004 Report Posted December 20, 2004 (edited) I wrote this maybe two or three years ago, and every christmas season I dig it up and repost it, because I'm a complete egotistical bastard and I must inflict this upon your poor souls every single year, around this hallowed time. And so, without further ado, please enjoy. PS - Cioden is pronounced See-Yo-Den. Just figured I'd clue you all in there in case you didn't know. Twas the night before christmas and all through the hall Not a creature was stirring, be they large or they small Some crosses were hung by the mantle with care In hopes that Cioden wouldn't stop there. Falcon was nestled all snug in his bed Whilst visions of Ibanez danced in his head And with me in my white cloak On the couch in the back Just settlin' down for a long winter's nap When from the roof there arose such a splatter I leapt from my couch to see what was the matter Away to my sheathed sword I tore like a flash Took it out of the sheath and then cut the gold sash The moon on the top of the new-summoned snow Gave the shinyness of noonday to the objects below (Falcon wanted some sugar, so he cast quite the spell But he misread khazak, though it ended up well) When what to my icy blue eyes should appear But a huge freaking sleigh and eight giant demon steer With a creepy-looking driver, like a black-feathered wren I knew in a moment it had to be Cioden A bit slower than canaries his coursers came And he whistled, and cursed, and called plenty of names. "Now Smasher! Now Crasher! Now Flatfoot and Nixon! On Meteo, on Stupid! On Fondle and Kitchen!" As dry leaves before an Aero 3 fly When he met with an obstacle, blew it into the sky! So up to the tower-top the coursers they flew With the sleigh full of nasties, and Cioden too. And then, in an hour, I heard on the roof The growling and pawing of each cloven hoof As I drew back my bow I turned quickly 'round Down the chimney St. Cioden came with a sound He was dressed all in leather from his head to his foot And his clothing was covered in blood and in soot A bundle of spells he had slung on his back And something was oozing right out of the sack His hair was all slicked back with the blood of a demon And he looked like a used-car salesman peddling a lemon His eyes - how they glinted! His dimples - nonexistant! His cheeks were like caverns, his nose an iced tint! His grim little mouth was tied down like a bow And the beard on his chin was the color of crow A silvered dagger he held tight in his teeth And the odor of madness followed him in a wreath He had a thin face and absolutely no belly Covered by a shirt that was just a tad smelly He was gruesome and cruel, a right nutty old elf And I fired when I saw him, in spite of myself A wink of his eye and a twist of his head He avoided the arrow, sent to make him quite dead He spoke not a word, but went right to work And emptied all the stockings, he was such a jerk And laying his middle finger aside of his nose He cast fire3 and on the updraft he rose He fell in his sleigh and gave his team quite a whistle And away they all flew as he flayed them with thistles But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he flew out of sight "I'll get you Azunost, some other night!" Quicker than lightning I threw the stockings out the window And ducked as they exploded in a moonlit twinkle I fixed some hot cocoa and woke up Falcon Who downed the whole mug before I was done Telling him 'bout the big scare we had had His eyes widened "Wow, Cioden's sure bad." I grinned rather slyly and gave him a wink "He's not the only one who can raise a stink" I sat back in my seat with a satisfied grin And scratched idly at the stubble grown on my chin. From far away there came a muffled thud Like Flare being cast in a puddle of mud I smiled benignly and looked at the switch in my hand And thought of the scheme I had carefully planned Involving a Holy Bomb, three ducks and a tin can A whole roll of duct-tape and a good dental plan Now Cioden was routed and Falcon asleep I could settle down once more to the peaceful deep. But I thought to myself 'ere I turned out the light "Merry christmas to all, and to all a good night." Edited - whee, finally fixed it up a little after like 3 years. Edited December 20, 2004 by Falcon2001
Peredhil Posted December 21, 2004 Report Posted December 21, 2004 Whee! Now I know it's gonna be Christmas! I love this every time you post it.
Yui-chan Posted December 22, 2004 Report Posted December 22, 2004 Falcon, As ever, this is a fun poem to read through. I was just wondering, though... why don't you just bump the old thread rather than starting a new one each year? Wondering, ~Yui
Venefyxatu Posted December 22, 2004 Report Posted December 22, 2004 As a newcomer to this poem I must say that I enjoyed it very much - it's something ... completely different from the traditional Christmas songs, poems, stories, ... and I can only applaud that. It breaks somewhat with the Christmas spirit as well , but hey, who cares I look forward to seeing it again next year
Appy Posted December 23, 2004 Report Posted December 23, 2004 There's only one thing I could possibly say to this, since the rest would only be smilies: "Merry Christmas!" :woot:
Falcon2001 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Report Posted December 27, 2004 Falcon, As ever, this is a fun poem to read through. I was just wondering, though... why don't you just bump the old thread rather than starting a new one each year? Wondering, ~Yui Because I'm lame
Jareena Faye Posted December 27, 2004 Report Posted December 27, 2004 Ah, there's nothing like redoing The Night Before Christmas. Good job there, mate. I'll bet you had fun with this!
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