Xaious, Master of Time Posted December 2, 2004 Report Posted December 2, 2004 The fake plastic plant growing the forbidden fruit we want not to eat. Dreamed in dreams we do not have, denying a cracked polystyrene love. Daring not for this betrayal, stepping through the many traps. Sealed within the seeming prison, bound of an oath word given almost in blood. If I could be who you wanted, would you water this fake plastic tree? Could you for me pluck the fruit, eat thereof? Would any then question the betrayal passed on for others enactments? Must I be trapped in this tomb of promises? Then the dream the other vision seen, misfortunes in no sooner occurrences. Never ceasing of dreamings in day, surprised noisings for the benefitial emotions. Finding more yet withholding something, we cannot cease the smile upon the faces. We see that we have progresses, longer no more what once we were. Have we achieved what had once been hoped? Will the dream of day be also the dream of night? Who can question the joy that we feel at decreasing light into the night? Must all time be spent wondering, waiting, to learn of things to come?
Xaious, Master of Time Posted December 5, 2004 Author Report Posted December 5, 2004 (A little more to add to this..) Simple bliss in time well spent, counter-agent for double failings. Black and leopard large smashing block of soft and force. Forgotten colors on an elder belle, Attention we exceed. Pure cane never so sweet, never starts yet doth continue. Have manifestations of sleeping stories been? Hath a source made itself from the mists of the fog? Has the fire of the sky's night been shown up? Are the stars truly that lovely which they proclaim?
Wyvern Posted December 5, 2004 Report Posted December 5, 2004 I think that this is a very interesting poem, Xaious. The poem has a lot of very strong, original imagery that immediately caught my attention, particularly with the images of the "fake plastic plant," the "polysterene love," and the "tomb of promises." The poem also strickes me as being dense with meaning through its uses of metaphors (such as the word of oath as a prison) and allusions (such as the reference to the Garden of Eden in the "forbidden fruit" of the plant). In terms of potential improvements, one thing that struck me as a bit awkward in the poem was the tone, which I thought was rather inconsistent. An example of this is in the fifth and sixth lines of the first stanza of the poem, which read to me as a casual modern tone and a sophisticated medieval tone respectively. I also thought that the first halves of each of the stanzas read slightly better than the second halves as they seemed more concrete, though then again I've never been that big a fan of poems that pose a series of questions. ;-p Very interesting stuff, Xaious! Thanks for sharing.
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