reverie Posted November 8, 2004 Report Posted November 8, 2004 (edited) I intended to update my unfinished Sand poem in the writer's workshop,(see link) but this came out instead. Not sure if it's finished as it kinda goes into a messy rant. Oh well, I'll let it go as is for now... http://www.patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?act=...st=0#entry93842 Grasp Grasp. Hold tight With force, and with might This night- They will fight- For your spite and your right~ To destroy, and kill All those you find shrill Despite your insight You incite as you blight While you can - runaway From things they will say. When the threats are within You just laugh and you grin… As we die, yes WE DIE! Still you laugh, as we cry: What kind of man- Will sever one hand- To straggle one for another For profit and plunder! Mistrust: understand! Nothing perfect in plans Nears truth as in man For reason explains but deaf ears will not save As they waste those our brave Inshrined virtue enslaved Those who wonder depraved Grasping tight all you save... rev... Edited November 8, 2004 by reverie
reverie Posted December 12, 2004 Author Report Posted December 12, 2004 Grasp (Super edited Version) 30 NOV 2004 Grasp. Hold tight With force, and with might This night- They will fight- For your spite and your right~ To destroy, and kill All those you find shrill~ Despite your insight You incite as you blight While you can - runaway From things they will say. Though the threats steal within You just laugh and you grin… As we die, yes WE die! Still you laugh, as we cry. ‘till Mistrust - understands… -Nothing perfect in plan. Stands as firm under day Waving proud anyway… Still, what kind of man -Will sever one hand? And fell one for another for profit and plunder. Mistrust. Understand? Nothing’s perfect in plans. Nor this truth as in man. For reason complains lest in that it explains but deaf ears will not save As you waste those our brave Enshrined virtue enslaved Those who wonder depraved Grasping tight those you save... ... revery the dreamlost "i'm only slightly out of focus" the dream continues...
Tasslehoff Posted December 12, 2004 Report Posted December 12, 2004 Reverie. - Ol' Friend. I found this post, sitting all alone, edited once or twice, so I thought Id give you my input. I really like the flow of this poem. Its short, but its strong. It makes me imagine, a story, based on a small kid, who gets his town killed, yet he survives, to grow up into a hero of the land, finding revenge.. I find the first stanza very strong, and it throws me forward into the poem. Made me want to read the rest, which I think is very important in a poem. Good writing Rev. Your awesome. As always
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