Another Place

[Ayshela]

A table at the coffeeshop calls me

with promises of time and space to write

of places that my heart would rather be

and circumstances clear to inward sight.

 

Far from the mundane drudgery I live

with endless lists of things that I must do

and constant pleas for more, as more I give

until I'm spent, when finally I'm through -

 

There is a place, or so my dreams insist,

where friendship, loyalty and love are true.

The draw it holds my heart cannot resist,

though finding of such things remains quite new.

 

A table there with wine and cheese and you,

with time to talk until all time is through.

[Cyril Darkcloud]

ooc: It’s been a while .......

 

ic: There is a movement in a place where the air had fallen still near the balcony where this chamber’s windows open to the free and living air. And in the wake of this movement a small owl glides, a handwritten note held within its talons. Silently it enters following the lingering tones of well-spoken words until, finding the speaker, it releases the note and turns once more in silent flight back into the newly moving air......

 

The shifting of the wind

has for too long been familiar

and its combinations,

limitless I’m told,

of speed and scent

and temperature

and moisture

under skies

of varied clouds and

intermittent sun,

are infinite

only in predictability.

 

Underneath my breathing

is a whispered aching

in my lungs

to exhale this stagnant freshness

and to breathe the air of foreign skies.

 

A well-written piece, Ayshela, with some very fine structural nuance. The use of the image of the table at the beginning and end of the piece in tandem with the variation between the actions of writing and conversation is a particularly fine touch.

 

You might want to revisit the piece at some point to clean up a couple linguistic and grammatical features – mundane drudgery, for example, is redundant to no advantage and the inverted sentence structure of the 3rd line in stanza 3 is both distracting and seems to unnecessarily weaken what is an otherwise strong flow to your words.

 

These are very minor things, however, in comparison to how strong a piece this is.

 

Again, nicely done! Keep writing.