troubled sleep Posted October 24, 2004 Report Posted October 24, 2004 (edited) **don't I feel stupid!! Of course I mean A letter from your southern neighbor, not nieghbor. Bleh...deepest and sincerest apologies!! My spelling isn’t really *that* bad, I promise! Please note: I've found that this 'letter' is most effective when either read aloud with the thickest southern accent one can muster, or if one can picture the most southern person you know(ie, the one person from Tennesse, Gerogia, or Alabama who *all* neighborhoods have living three houses down the block). Also, it is not my intention to offend anyone, so if you feel affronted, I am deeply sorry. -----------------------------------------------)( To Whom it May Concern, I write to report a slight infringement in the laws and prevailing customs of our noble society. It is my deepest regret to inform you that last Wednesday, whilst the sun was shining like a watermelon on an ice cube, something most atrocious happened in the McIntosh Corners subdivision, Peachtree City, Georgia. Daring to break all social regulations and taboos, one of my dear neighbors has flat out refused to decorate for the time honored holiday know as Halloween. At first I felt it a mere mistake, a simple case of neglect on the part of my beloved neighbor. I did not recognize this unfortunate event for scandal that it is until, through my own investigation, I found out that their house, or at least the outer portion, I never did get close enough to see inside the windows, is completely clean! It hurts me to say it, but they have no no spiders webs, witches, or life size animatronic Frankensteins to speak of. I am sorry to pain you, but so it was. Being ever a conscientious neighbor who works tirelessly for the simple betterment of our most noble of societies, I have reported this infraction in hopes that the proper punishment will be extended towards my dear neighbors. As myself and a few other good people from McIntosh Corners have already begun the customary ostracism, it is my opinion that a simple hanging, lynching, or drawing and quartering should suffice. Thank you and God Bless, A good neighbor Edited October 24, 2004 by troubled sleep
YanYanGanaffi Posted October 24, 2004 Report Posted October 24, 2004 Funny thing is, I'm the only person on my street that celebrates Halloween and I live on the FL-GA border.
troubled sleep Posted October 24, 2004 Author Report Posted October 24, 2004 (edited) Well, that's because you live near Florida, and there are actual sane people there(or at least I'm guessing that no one runs around your neighborhood yelling at those people who do not celebrate/decorate for Halloween telling them to decorate...or else). I live in North-Central-Western Georgia, but more importantly, I live in a bubble. In this bubble, appearances are *everything*, and every holiday, no matter how trivial, is a big deal. And no matter what the holiday, the 'bow Nazi'(as she calls herself during the Christmas season when she parades around, knocking on doors and shouting at people for not having little red bows on their mailbox) and others are very adamant that *everyone* decorate. And yes, there is a life size Frankenstein in my neighborhood, and an anamatronic santa at Christmas that shouts 'ho ho ho' at passerby. Edited October 24, 2004 by troubled sleep
YanYanGanaffi Posted October 25, 2004 Report Posted October 25, 2004 Holy crap! That sucks. I'm glad I don't live there, I'd be too tempted to put land mines in their yard or set off a pipe bomb in their septic tank (makes everything that normally goes down the drain come up, and I mean everything).
troubled sleep Posted October 25, 2004 Author Report Posted October 25, 2004 Hmm, well I'm not certain my parents would allow me to plant land mines(especially since it looks like my dad might get transfered/we would move/have to see our house), but I like the pipe bomb idea. What with the upcoming holiday season I might have to look into that.
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