Solitaire

[Shadow of the Butterfly]

Sitting on the floor

With not much else to do

I fidget with a deck of cards

As I think of you

 

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle---cut

 

One card down, and then another

Until, at last, arrayed

Black and red, clubs and spades

Upon my mind they play

 

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle---cut

 

Through the deck I wiffle fast

Placing cards there and here

Grinning as I say, "Winning at last,"

And whisper in the end, for the cards will hear I fear

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle---cut

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle---cut

 

The cards whisper amongst themselves, determined

Now to change

Leading me to believe I win

Until they re-arrange

 

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle---cut

 

They change their faces un-checked and un-noticed

Under piles concealed they conspire

Moving and shifting, shifting and moving

I start in confusion, as one pile grows higher

 

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle---cut

 

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle---gone

[Peredhil]

neat. Never thought of cards as a metaphor for a relationship, but I like this.

[drummondo]

The house always wins, eh :<

 

Very thoughtful poem, made me think a lot about relationships.

 

I loved the rhythm of it to begin with, and I figured that the way it changed and became a little more disjointed towards the end was symbolic of the way a relationship does much the same thing.

 

The word "wiffle" made me laugh. If you're after card imagery, I think you may have meant "riffle", which is another term for shuffling.

 

The line "Black and red, clubs and spades" didn't make sense to me; I figured it would have been a little better to have a black and a red suit used as an example; I also would have gone with "hearts and spades", because there's the double meaning of having "hearts layed out on the table". If you don't mind losing that rhyme with arrayed, perhaps "hearts and clubs" would be even better because hearts are fragile, and clubs are menacing weapons.

 

You also repeat "whisper" towards the middle, which I think detracts a little from the flow of the poem.

 

Apart from these opinions/slight faults, I thought this was an extremely original piece, and I enjoyed reading it. Good job