Wombat's Application

[FrozenWombat]

The wombat's small, marsupial feet made only the slightest noise as he crossed the tiled floor into the recruitment office. Muttering something about polymorph spells, he scratched his head and walked over to the instructions for registration. "Written Application?" Procuring a small pipe from out of thin air, the wombat took a small puff and sat down at the desk. Twirling his fingers, he muttered an incantation. A pen and parchment appeared from thin air, landing on the desk. Thinking for a minute, the wombat realized he had absolutely no idea what he was going to write. Then it came to him- A tale of wonder and magic, of kangaroos and wizards. His own life story. Starting to scribble away, the wombat began to sweat as his pen moved furiously across the page.

 

My Life Story- A Tale of Marsupial Transformation

 

And so begins, a tale of wonder and magic whose true details have been lost to the mists of time. Be warned, fair reader, that the contents of this particular story are so exciting, so jaw-dropping, that they may cause some small amount of doubt over just how much of it is true. In fact, this entire story is absolutely 100% truth, with perhaps a smidgeon of embellishment.

 

A young wizard by the name of Jack was once an adventured by trade. After joining up with a party of adventurers strait from a 3rd Edition Dungeons and Dragons game, he set off on a grand adventure. The big ugly paladin was having trouble getting along with the sneaky rogue, and the elven archer remained aloof, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. Jack talked at length with the party's designated cleric over the benefits of their chosen professions, and all was as it should be.

 

After several years of adventuring, the party thought they where done, and ready to retire with their massive amounts of gold that of course weighed next to nothing. They had already slain several token dragons, liches, and the avatars of several minor gods, and they where ready to stop their active lifestyle and settle down. Jack in particular was ready to get himself hitched with the girl he'd met all the way back in the first town.

 

Just as they where parting ways however, a stunned villager managed to find them and tell them how an evil wizard of unimaginable power in a distant land was tyrannizing his people. Now, Jack and his rougeish friend where chaotic neutral, and saw absolutely no benefit in going whatsoever, but do to the fact that the elven archer was Neutral Good and the paladin and cleric where both Lawful Good, the party decided to go off and free the poor peasants.

 

Walking through fields of undead creatures, the cleric was racking up major experience points while the rest of the party walked alongside, quite bored. Finally, they reached the lair of the evil wizard, but even though Jack was one of the most powerful wizards in the world they still had to go through the wizard’s intricate system of caves and booby traps, his sewers, and into the bottom level of his dungeon.

 

Here they met a big old red dragon. Now, red dragons where a dime a dozen for this group of adventurers, but this one was all chained up with special chains so it couldn’t just blast it’s way out of there. After freeing the creature, it promptly decided to eat the party. Jack quickly immobilized it. Stunned by Jack’s amazing good looks, the dragon bowed to Jack’s awesomeness and told him that the wizard specialized in a highly potent variety of polymorph spells. Jack allowed the creature to fly off relatively intact, and the party continued up the wizards tower.

 

This wizard happened to the maker of one of those rather nasty dungeons with lots of complicated puzzles and the like, and didn’t leave much loot lying around either. It was rather depressing for the party, but they moved up and through the tower, resting every now and then. Finally, they reached the big bad wizard himself. Now, what our erstwhile group of adventurers didn’t know was that the dungeon master had been particularly cruel and given this wizard all sorts of special abilities, items, etc. The wizard, despite Jack’s efforts, quickly blasted his entire party to smithereens, but left Jack alive. Then, Being a mean old man, he polymorphed Jack into a wombat. He allowed Jack to retain all his wizardly powers and intelligence, but his polymorph spell was so powerful that Jack couldn’t break out of it.

 

Jack was sad, but the wizard took some pity on him. After casting an uber raise dead spell on Jack’s former companions, he sent Jack off with a dimension door spell to the frozen tundra of the north. Jack was not aware of the deeply magical nature of his new form (not your ordinary wombat), but after moving south discovered his new innate magical powers closely connected to those of ice. Jack’s wombat form was almost constantly covered my snow or frost.

 

The wizard who had turned Jack into a wombat once sought him out, and Jack promptly froze him and blew him up. This wombat form was far more potent than his old human body, and the DM had removed several of the wizard’s nastier powers. Jack raided the wizard’s library and then built his own little tower in the north, where he settled down amongst his books. He finally discovered the key to the polymorph spell the wizard had used on him, but decided not to change back to human form. The wombat form was far more comfortable, but Jack kept the spell for future use.

 

Moving off to a land called Terra, Jack spent his time reincarnating from several different hells, and using massive armies of highly trained telemarketers to utterly destroy his opponents. Returning to his tower after a strange species of Mari Monkeys somehow disabled the ability to reincarnate, he found that all his gold was missing. The enigmatic FrozenWombat now wanders the land once more, and is sometimes seen leading a band of squirrel bandits across the land, searching for geld.

 

To Be Continued

 

The wombat put down his quill. He really was rather egotisical.

Edited September 26, 2004 by FrozenWombat

[Katzaniel]

That was great! I laughed nearly as hard as I do when reading Wyvern's posts! Welcome, Frozen Wombat, I certainly look forward to seeing more of you.

 

The tigertaur settles in to wait for the confrontation between Wyvern and the Wombat.

[Quincunx]

Nothing breaks an alliance faster than 12,071 telemarketers which arrive as "reinforcements" and somehow convert all your workshops, guilds, and barracks into call centers, all the while refusing offers to be outsourced to enemy kingdoms. I think the legendary three starving peasants had a greater impact in the history of Terran warfare. . . .

 

Welcome, Wombat.

[Peredhil]

Marvelous!

 

'Bout time you found your way here.

 

Hugs a welcome to a new old face.

 

-Peredhil the Polite

[Tanuchan]

Attracted by the laughter at the Recruiter's Office, Tanny peeks in curiously. Finding a strange marsupial right on Wyvern's table, she raises on her hind paws to sniff it gingerly. Startled, the wombat turns with a hiss.

 

*Aw! You're really cold!*

 

She changes position, now reading the application. Then, laughing, decides to wait also, this time looking for a safe place on the corner of the room and a bit far from the others. After all, last time she did end up in a mess of arms and legs after Wyvern came in...

 

A fun read, Frozen Wombat! Welcome, and I also hope to read more of your stories of magic and wonder!

 

~Tanny

[Wyvern]

FrozenWombat fidgets uneasily in his applicant easychair as he waits for the infamous Elder of Initiates to arrive, grumbling curses under his breath as he glances at a nearby clock and notices how late it is. Tapping his marsupial feet on the ground and wondering what could possibly be taking the overgrown lizard so long, he shifts in his seat and proceeds to reach into his pockets for a 20-sided die, hoping to test his luck in order to determine how many more days he might have to wait in the Office. Tossing the die along the surface of desktop, the wombat frowns as it lands on "1" and Wyvern promptly bursts into the room through the front entrance.

 

Wyvern wobbles and hesitates as he enters the room, gripping an enormous bucket filled with Almost Dragonic Brand Substitute Mannequin Arms and Legs™ and barely managing to maintain his balance with it. Upon entering the room, the exhausted lizard immediately turns and fumbles towards a lesser-used corner of the Office, not noticing Tanuchan resting there as he quickly dumps the arms and legs over the area and drops his bucket. The lizard then breaths a sigh of relief, letting his shoulders go limp and dusting his claws off only to perk up his head curiously as he notices something odd.

 

"Ssssssaaay" hisses the greedy Elder happily, flashing a toothy grin. "It's actually sort of cool in here for a change, Ozymandias must have started complying with my wage demands! Air conditioning, who'd of thou-"

 

At that moment, FrozenWombat interrupts Wyvern by loudly clearing his throat, rolling his eyes as the overgrown lizard turns towards him and gapes. Wyvern scratches his scaly chin for a moment, then hisses:

 

"Ssssssaaay, they're really upgrading air conditioning systems nowadays. Used to be just mana-generated... I wonder how they got passed the animal rights associations with this new system and desig-."

 

FrozenWombat frowns and glares at Wyvern, immediately silencing the lizard and causing him to take two steps back. The applicant then picks up his life story, and rolls the manuscript up in an official manner before handing it to the lizard. Wyvern accepts the application, and glances at it curiously before saying:

 

"Sssssaaaay.... a popsicle?"

 

FrozenWombat jumps up from his seat just as Wyvern begins stuffing the application story into his mouth.

 

"That's no popsicle, that's my application!" cries FrozenWombat furiously, running up to the lizard and snatching his story back. "And I'm no air-conditioning system, I'm an applicant!" With that, the wombat unravels his story parchment so quickly and angrily that he almost tears it in half. "Here, read, the details are all here!"

 

Wyvern quickly takes the application and cringes, bowing and profusely apologizing to the angry applicant as he carefully reads over his life story. Having finished with it, the overgrown lizard sets it aside on his desk and grins as he hisses:

 

"I see, that's quite a story Mr. FrozenWombat. It's almost as if the Universal Law of THAC0 has never applied to your life, interesting indeed. That telemarketing campaign was also quite a strategy."

 

Having said this, the lizard stamps FrozenWombats application ACCEPTED, then mumbles:

 

"Oh, and if you need any quick NPCs, those Almost Dragonic Brand Substitute Mannequin Arms and Legs™ are going for cheap cheap cheap!"

 

;-)

 

OOC: An ACCEPTED application, FrozenWombat, welcome to the Mighty Pen! Sorry for my lag in responding to your application, real life has been keeping me pretty busy this week with exams and papers. I really enjoyed your story, and look forward to reading more of your stuff in addition to participating with you in collaborative threads. Once again, welcome!

[FrozenWombat]

Thanks to all who replied, and thanks to Wyv for approving it .

 

Hopelessly grinning at both the stamp on his application and Wyv's next scheme, FrozenWombat created a small Wyvern ice sculpture and ran out of the room on all fours, holding his application in his mouth. For several days, the inhabitants of the pen would be startled by a marsupial darting among their legs, holding his appected application like a trophy.

[Tanuchan]

*AWWWWWWWWW !!!!!*

 

Tanny shakes herself free of yet another tangle of arms and legs, dizzy from having them all dumped into her head. Blinking somewhat confusedly at all the disconnected limbs, she sighs deeply listening to Wyvern's rambling on Almost Dragonic Brand Substitute Mannequin Arms and Legs™.

 

She leaves the office quietly, deciding she has better take a small break from the Elder of Initiate's Office before entering into a worse tangle. She follows the happy marsupial with her eyes, deciding that sometime later she'll make better acquaintance with him - maybe a short game of tag.... she grins mischievously, leaving silently.

 

Congrats, Frozen Wombat!

 

~Tanny