Shadow of the Butterfly Posted September 22, 2004 Report Posted September 22, 2004 original Gazing through the looking glass Between the shimmering darkness I wipe away the fogged forgotten Trying to catch glimpses of what once was I can't filter through my scattered thoughts Ellusive at best, they defy me Paths untraveled stretch before me Beckoning me this way and that Undecided and lost, I shrug and trudge ahead Making my own path down the middle Uncaring of what lies ahead New Gazing through the looking glass Between the silvered hues I wipe away the fogged forgotten And finally see the new My road has been a long one-- That brings me to this place-- No more stumbling steps I traverse my world with grace Between the silvered hues I step Into this Lost Land Searching for you here To lend a helping hand Grace did save me from myself Can save you as well If only you'd leave this road Leading towards your personal Hell ack, and with that, this new mommy's brain juices went splat... help me out?
Loki Wyrd Posted September 22, 2004 Report Posted September 22, 2004 (edited) Well, I do like the flow of your new version a lot better. The original all started to run together on me. What is it you want help with? Were you hoping to add more? I really like that first stanza BTW. Edited September 22, 2004 by Loki Wyrd
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