Gryphon Posted September 2, 2004 Report Posted September 2, 2004 (edited) I can FEEL IT inside me, BUBBLING. Attempting to OVERWHELM ME, but I SUPPRESS the urge to SHOUT and run around in RANDOM CIRCLES to show my EXCITEMENT because adults DON?T DO THAT! Sometimes I want to GO MAD then run around and BOUNCE OFF WALLS to show the excitement that is BURNING INSIDE. Have I not got THE RIGHT to do so just because I WANT TO? Maybe the children are CORRECT. Being adult leaves the spirit CRUSHED under the weight of RESPONSIBILITY. Well not ME. Not NOW. Today I am going to BOUNCE WITH JOY. Let the responsibility start NEXT WEEK. This week I?m going to be a KID AGAIN. Lost in the excitement of MOVING HOUSE! Edited September 4, 2004 by Gryphon
Guest Morbid Angel Posted September 3, 2004 Report Posted September 3, 2004 this is good! I like the style. It's different, but it really captured me into the writing and really made me pay attention to what was written! Nice Job Morbid Angel
Katzaniel Posted September 3, 2004 Report Posted September 3, 2004 * Stupidly echoes Morbid Angel's thoughts. * I enjoyed the piece. It was refreshingly unique, the style fit well. One "critical" bit of feedback is that I think it would do better with an exclamation point on the final line, "MOVING HOUSE!" I just think it would end it on a different, more exuberant note. Your call of course.
Gryphon Posted September 4, 2004 Author Report Posted September 4, 2004 Thanks Katz... You're right. The exclamation mark does help capture the feel that I was trying to portray here. Such appropriate timing for the observation too since my house move starts today!
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