Life Question # 15

[Salinye]

Have you ever experienced a moment of regret in your life that you would go back and change if you had the power to do so?

 

 

**There will be a part 2 to this question, but I'll give time for part one to be answered here first. Thanks to Regel for his great suggestion.***

 

~Salinye

Edited August 10, 2004 by Salinye

[Zadown]

There's more regrets than things I do not regret. What I regret most is not finding a gun when I was looking for one, late january '02 - I'd been a lot happier if I'd found it. *sigh*

[Peredhil]

No, I don't think so.

 

I am the sum of all I've experienced in my life. The choices I've regretted I've looked at and determined not to do again. I might not have made certain choices unless they were driven by a reaction to the thoughtless pains I've caused to others, for instance.

 

If I changed something, I'd be someone else, someone I don't know.

[Aardvark]

If I could go back and change something, I'd go back and punch myself just as I clicked on "Add Reply" for this post in this thread.

[WrenWind]

I regret not finishing my degree. and a few other things i'm not ready to admit even to myself out loud. But then I do agree with Peredhil on this I would not be who I am if i changed anything and I like who I am.

[Finnius]

I regret not letting myself be open with my emotions earlier. So many of my problems have stemmed from me trying to change the way I felt about someone/something, when I should've just accepted that and moved through it.

 

Although, I do agree with monsieur le Peredhil, that I would then be a different person than I am today, and all things considered, I'm glad I am who I am. I have kind, and supportive friends, prospects for a change of scenery, and a Pen that I love very much.

 

Why, oh why, must you ask such innocuous yet difficult questions?

 

Then again, I say the same thing when someone says "Paper or plastic?"

[The Big Pointy One]

Ew, all the time... there's tons of things I regret. While I think I'm happy with who I am today... I think I'd probably also be happier if a few things were different. Now, does that mean things could have turned out any other way? I don't know, maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. As often as I do it though, I figure it isn't good to worry about the past, and mistakes I've made, since I can't do anything about (most of) them. So, have I ever experienced a moment of regret that if I could, I'd go back and change?

 

Yes. I'd go back and make a few choice moves that'd ensure I'd still be employed, not to mention have a relationship with the coolest (not to mention a whole lot of other tasty adjectives) person I know...

 

[Lady Celes Crusader]

Aardvark: *rofl*

 

As for me, I banished the word regret from my vocabulary since I know that being regretful is the most useless thing in the world. The reason is that all my life experiences, good or bad, made the person I am today and since it's impossible to go back in time, I think it is just pointless to ask "What if I've done things differently?"

[Katzaniel]

If I could go back in time, just moments after a decision... why wouldn't I have made the right decision the first time?

 

If I could go back in time, just moments after seeing the immediate results of a decision... now, that would be cheating, wouldn't it?

 

If I could go back in time, years afterward... what's the point?

 

 

Perhaps I would feel differently if I'd ever killed someone with a stupid mistake, or something else that drastically bad, but other than that, no. I've never done anything so bad that it would warrant changing what I'd done.

[Ozymandias]

I've often thought: If I ever get my hands on a time machine, I will go back to this point and beat the living crap out of myself. That would probably teach me not to do it again.

 

There are many things in my life that I'm absolutely ashamed of, that I wish I could go back, and at the very least scream at myself "DON'T DO THAT!"

 

However, like any good time traveler, I have to stop and think about how absolutely I do or do not understand such a change, and all it's effects on the future.

 

For the record, though, I think Katz said it best.

[The Big Pointy One]

Well, the thing is, it's like chess. Maybe if you're really really good, you don't ever make mistakes (but even then, I doubt the greatest chess players don't make mistakes from time to time.) but as you're still learning things, you make lots of mistakes. Sure, it's easy to say maybe I did the best, or maybe the way things turned out are for the best, or something like that... but maybe not. Maybe I'm a bit to humble to accept that every single thing I do results in either good consequences or a bad experience I learn something from. I'd rather be able to make the bad experiences into a longer-lasting good one, personally.

 

Does that mean I live in the past? Of course not, I'm just saying, if I *could* change things, I certainly would...

[Crichon]

I think the word regret is too strong of a word, but since I don't know of a better term, I'll use it.

 

There are some things I regret doing, or things I regret saying. It's not hard to admit that I screwed up. But, I can't go back and change it, nor most likely would I change it. I learned from my mistakes, so there's no point in unlearning that wisdom.

[Aardvark]

In chess, you can still have your finger on it

[Regel]

First of all suspend your disbelief. The question as stated wasn't answered by some of you.

Zadown answered the question and is now able to move on to the second part of my question. (Coming soon.) Quite an interesting comment I might add.

 

Peredhil says he wouldn't change anything but doesn't tell us he has never had any regrets. Wish you had answered it this way " I regret this but after careful consideration I would not change anything"

 

Aardvarks first comment is one I happen to agree with, but an honest answer that allows him to answer the second part.

 

Wrenwind, Finally something with some meat on it. Thank you. In this situation you will have the power to go back.

 

Finnius answered the question. The Butterfly Effect was also suggested in his statement

...that I would then be a different person than I am today, and all things considered, I'm glad I am who I am.

The Big Pointy One answered the question. I very much like his response because it wrestles with the crux of the matter.

 

Lady Celes Crusader didn't answer the question. Please suspend your disbelief and try again.

 

Katzaniel answers a question with a question. Then dodges it altogether and says wouldn't change a thing.

 

Ozymandias the Elder said

 

I've often thought: If I ever get my hands on a time machine, I will go back to this point and beat the living crap out of myself. That would probably teach me not to do it again.

 

There are many things in my life that I'm absolutely ashamed of, that I wish I could go back, and at the very least scream at myself "DON'T DO THAT!"

 

However, like any good time traveler, I have to stop and think about how absolutely I do or do not understand such a change, and all it's effects on the future

You answered the question very well.

 

Crichon's answer straddles the issue sidesteps and then bails with

 

But, I can't go back and change it, nor most likely would I change it.

An small example, one of many I could site I would consider changing.

An afternoon playing soccer at a field that was several blocks from my home. I met my cousins and we played soccer there all afternoon. They brought the family dog Butch with them. When the game broke up the cousins turned for home but Butch stuck with me. Try as they did Butch wouldn't leave my side. We decided to let Butch go home with me and they would pick him up later that night by car. On the walk home Butch encounters an aggressive dog. During the scuffle Butch the bigger and the stronger of the two chases the dog in front of a bus. I watched in horror as the bus destroys the animal in front of my very eyes. I was sick with grief. I have wondered how different it would have been if I had discouraged Butch from following me home. Perhaps another dog might have chased him in front of a bus?

 

If you haven't answered yet try and give the premise a chance and please feel free to post again if you like.

[Ayshela]

no.

i refuse to answer any question in which my answer will be judged as to whether or not it's "good enough to allow me to pass on to the next question"

 

i had been debating the question in spare moments, but be damned if i'll answer it here.

[Alaeha]

Hmm... I agree with Ayshela, but I don't see any reason that I can't post my answer here, regardless. I can always decide whether or not I consider the second part of the question to be worth answering.

 

Are there things I regret? Absolutely.

 

Are there things that I regret that I wouldn't change? Absolutely not.

 

Yes, I would be a different person than I am now. That's certainly true, and I think that would be a good thing. I'm not so wonderful a person that I shouldn't be changed. Sure, there would probably be some changes for the worse...

 

So what? There would be changes for the better as well, and far more opportunities open to me than I have now. (Granted, I have plenty as it is, but I would be in much better shape.)

[Katzaniel]

Katzaniel answers a question with a question. Then dodges it altogether and says wouldn't change a thing.

Huh? Wasn't the question whether or not we'd change anything? I gave three examples of interpretations of the change, and gave my response to them (so what if it ended in a question mark, you can clearly read my intentions from the phrasing), and then reiterated that NO, I would not change anything. How can you say I've dodged the question?

[Salinye]

You know, I really don't think Regel meant to offend anyone. I think it is near impossible to claim that people don't have at least a few things they wish they had done differently. Perhaps regret is a bad word because many wise people have learned how to learn from bad choices or situations and move on from them. I think perhaps what Regel meant by this question originally is Do you have anything like that? Something you wish you had done differently. Something that maybe still comes to mind once in a while. Not would you change it, not do you regret it, just what is one of those things?

 

 

I think by Peredhil pointing out early on in the thread that regret wasn't his healthy option, most people took the question down a different line of thinking. Which is GREAT. That's the whole purpose of these questions. There is no wrong or right way to answer. I think I've seen enough of Regel to know that he wasn't trying to offend anyone, only that he hoped to edge people to answering the question in a way that would allow them to also answer part two of the question.

 

We've discovered something interesting, though. Regret is a controversial word! :0)

 

Now, you certainly don't have to answer this question in any one way or another. However, we're all good to each other here and I honestly don't think our kind Regel meant to hurt anyone. (INfact, I bet he'd regret it if he has.)

 

~Salinye

[Ozymandias]

Again, I have to agree with Katz. How is that so?

 

As for Ayshela and Alaeha's thoughts:

 

Reg, I think you should've added instructions needed for the question in the initial writeup- I can see where they both have that opinion, the way it was written up; the question, and your response to our responses.

 

Many of us did not follow the strictures you'd built the questions in, and so you needed some to rethink how they answered, so that all could be discussing what you really meant. That's fair.

 

However, Not that I think that you were judging whether or not our answers were 'good enough', but I can easily see where they both, and maybe some readers came to the conclusion.

 

Pax, everyone. Peace. We're all on the same side, here.

[cryptomancer]

Regret..

 

A discision made in haste is often regretted, a wise man lives his life without regret

However, I could never suggest that I am wise, nor can I deny that I have many regrets.

 

Any that I would change, If I could? Yes, I would love to change many, but not all.

 

But I would not.

 

For if I did, I would lose all I have now, and for better or worse, all I have now I would never, ever, ever give up.

 

What ever the cost, some things should remain as they are.

 

Regret is a twin edged blade, in looking at the past sometimes even some very good things that have happened become regrets in the light of the present.

[Mynx]

Everyone has done at least one big thing in their life that they wish to change.

God knows that if I had the chance I would go back and save one of my closest friends...

And yet, it would be dangerous to change the past. Who knows what may have happened if the thing you regret didn't happen?

As much as I hate to admit it, there have been situations in my life that I would dearly love to ammend...yet I fear the consequences...

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is simply very obscure and requires pain to happen.

Edited August 11, 2004 by Mynx

[Appy]

I've thought on this one a long long time and think I can honestly say that I don't have any regrets, nor would change things that I did.... I've made peace with myself a long time ago, and decided to live with the consequences of my actions.

 

 

[edit]: So you all don't get me wrong here.. I DO think I did some things wrong, but as they made me who I am, and I made them because I'm me... I cannot regret them for that would give me a false feeling of not being responsible for them... to me regret is close to believing you can change what happened. Dunno, not your regular description of regret I believe, but that's what I feel.[/edit]

 

So there's the answer to part one AND part two, if you mean that question was double-folded.

 

However, I do regret actions from other people, and had I the power, I'd try and change them... completely changing myself in the process.... but I'd do that at the very end of my life only, out of curiosity on how my life will go at the moment, and pure curiousity on how my life would've been had some people made different descisions for me, or judged me differently.

 

If anyone will come up and say these are selfish actions and answers, I'll agree... nothing like a little selfishness to give yourself strength and remember why you do what you do

 

(with that I mean, never forget that you do how/what you do because you are you.... don't try to be someone you're not and live like it, it doesn't work.. long, I've tried)

Edited August 11, 2004 by Appy

[Appy]

oh, and allowing myself a little involvement.... *hugs Regel* keep asking, and just to let you know, I didn't think your post offensive, I think I know where it comes from, the way it was said

*hugs all others* anything I say here will be wrong, so you all will have to do with a hug It is by no means less then the one Regel got though

[Peredhil]

I'm sorry, I thought my answer to regret was implicitly obvious in my reply. I didn't realize that this was a judged contest, or if not, that the feedback level was greater than three. I can definitely see how people would be offended - Regel's reply when taken in context shows some scale which he is using that isn't explained. Shrugs.

 

Have you ever experienced a moment of regret in your life that you would go back and change if you had the power to do so?

First of all suspend your disbelief. The question as stated wasn't answered by some of you.

If we hadn't suspended our disbelief, how could we "what if" our answers? I look at the answers and see considered thoughts. Personally, I considered it and decided that changing my past would be something I wouldn't want to do. The question as stated wasn't have we "experienced a moment of regret", it was have we "experienced a moment of regret we would go back and change...". One is an searching for a memory, and then considering an action based on that memory. The other is just evaluating the action.

 

But really, I know we're all on the same side, I usually enjoy these questions - but that's because we all get to express our views, owning them and acknowledging that while our opinions and views may be different than others, they won't be judged or attacked.

 

Whether it was meant or not, I felt judged. That feeling has kinda spoiled further consideration on this topic for me. Which is my problem and feeling, regardless of the triggering source. My choice to react, and my choice builds into who I am, and who I'll choose to be - which is one reason I don't bother with regret. The person I was made the choice based on who that person was at the time.

That person is gone now, and I remain. Tomorrow may see a different "I", but I hope that person will still be trying to learn from the past and looking toward the future.

 

-A miffed Peredhil

[Rune]

Wow, Why so much explanation for replies? o__O I always thought the pen was a place where you could say what was on your mind without fear of others taking it the wrong way. Did people suddenly lose their sense of understanding since I have been gone?

 

I would not change anything.

 

Everything in my past has lead me to where I am today. It has made me who I am, put me in this place, moved me forward. I am content knowing that I am alive and well. Changing something might prove fatal by putting me in the wrong place at the wrong time. There are things I would like to change but I guess in truth there is no real reason to go back in time to change them. Nothing is stopping me from going to college, getting my black belt, learning to swim.. well nothing except the walls i've built in my mind. Sadly those walls are a bit harder to overcome than physical walls since it requires more than simply walking around until you find the gate... but that is a different post.

 

*waddles off*