Katzaniel Posted July 22, 2004 Report Posted July 22, 2004 Contest! Can you guess what this one is about? Repetition! Repetition can be used to drive home a point, make something stick in one's memory, or reinforce the information it surrounds. As many of you know from reading material with too much of it, repetition can easily be overused. For example, the word repetition is probably getting annoying in this post. So, a contest. Can you effectively use the tool of repetition to make a point in a poem or paragraph? Points as follows: 1st: 5g x #participants to a maximum of 30. 2nd: somewhat rounded and approximately 2/3 of 1st. 3rd: somewhat rounded and approximately 1/3 of 1st. I'll judge for use of repetition and a little bit for general clarity.
Peredhil Posted July 22, 2004 Report Posted July 22, 2004 As Wyvern reviews the application of an Applicant, He enjoys driving Melba nuts with a very repetitious chant, It isn't clever wit or banter, He's a very monotonous chanter... "I love geld, I love geld", Sings the Elder, "I love geld, I love geld!" Is what he tells her. "I love geld", "I love geld", Is the repetition, "I love geld", "I love geld!" Projects his superstition. "I love geld", "I love geld", Dreams the Application Reviewer, "I love geld", "I love geld- And I wish Melba's pounds were fewer!" And that's when she reaches for the Wyvern mallet Such repetitious singing is hard to pallet. But as with his scaly head the bonking instrument will meld... You'll hear him still singing "I LOVE GELD!"
Yui-chan Posted July 22, 2004 Report Posted July 22, 2004 *laughs* That was a wonderful read to start the morning with, Peredhude. Thank you. ... I don't know who to feel worse for when I consider their relationship - Melba or Wyvern. Zyaa, ~Yui
Tanuchan Posted July 22, 2004 Report Posted July 22, 2004 (edited) I started a poem for this contest, but as it took a life in itself I posted it at the Banquet Room. Dreamless nightI hope that fits also for this contest? ~Tanny Edit: the poem can be found here. Edited June 20, 2014 by Tanuchan updating
Katzaniel Posted July 22, 2004 Author Report Posted July 22, 2004 Yes, it stands as a fine example of repetition and I see no reason not to accept it. I'd like to take this opportunity to point out how Peredhil and Tanuchan both used repetition in a couple of different ways within one piece. Peredhil repeated his phrase at regular intervals throughout the middle verses and once more, as a culmination, at the end; Tanuchan used the same word to begin the first two stanzas and then used it at the start of four consequetive lines, and again at the very end. Peredhil used an entire line and Tanuchan just one word but both serve as examples of Repetition. I'm sure I'll think of more things to add when others have posted, too.
Quincunx Posted July 22, 2004 Report Posted July 22, 2004 Rydia grins evilly. "I have only one thing to say: Dora dull and not so nice--" She's interrupted by a horde of banquetteers fleeing the Pen, hands over their ears and screaming to block out the noise.
Zadown Posted July 22, 2004 Report Posted July 22, 2004 Prelude Eight B Slash. Pain bit deep into an angel, singing its song of ruination and death, the sword caring about its kill far more than the sword's master. Another slash, and a rare parry, something being actually bold enough to try to scratch the defenses of the planewalker. The war was wearing the Dreamer down, slash by slash, not wounds received but wounds dealt, blood spilt, armors, helmets and shields marred by the melody of Pain. A step and a slash, then a parry, a slash, a slash, a sweeping, scything blow that cleared some room to maneuver. And a slash. * * * ... a bit rough, but participation is not always about winning. Just wanted to give a short prose example of repetition, and lack of it - notice besides slash, parry repeats once, but song -> melody.
Katzaniel Posted July 27, 2004 Author Report Posted July 27, 2004 Hey, no putting people up to comment on your great use of repetition! And I forgot to mention participation geld... the somewhat stardard seeming 5 geld for participation should suffice, given the number of participants.
cryptomancer Posted July 28, 2004 Report Posted July 28, 2004 (edited) The Wings Of Darkness Dark blood of horizons death spilling over the edges of night, Soaking the flesh of the planet in its dying breath As the wings of dark beat upon the evening’s dawn. To the air I take and cherish the freedom, That is mine in darkness’ veil. Upon the wings of dark I flee the land of pain, The shadowing desert of a misused life. Upon the wings of dark I gain the life I wish. Freedom to glide in the night air, seeing Beneath the wings of dark the life I leave behind. Loving the taste of adrenaline upon my tongue, The caress of stimulation in my veins, The thickening of blood in my heart, As it steels itself to my flight. Movement, Longing, Flying, Fleeing. Upon the wings of dark I fly, Upon her strength I live. In her embrace I hide For the light cannot understand my choosing, Nor accept my longing cry. Edited July 28, 2004 by cryptomancer
Katzaniel Posted July 30, 2004 Author Report Posted July 30, 2004 Oh, and by the way, an ending date... I'll give it 2 days from now, then post the winners.
Katzaniel Posted August 3, 2004 Author Report Posted August 3, 2004 I believe my judging date is sufficiently past, that I may now judge. First, my feelings in chronological order upon reading. Peredhil: Although the poem was amusing and otherwise well-written, I felt that the repetition actually detracted from it, becoming progressively predictable and thus slightly annoying. The change of pace at the end was well-calculated but I think it would have gone over much better overall if you had used the line only at the start of each stanza previously. Tanuchan: I like how you used the repetition of the word in a couple of different ways, it added to the overall effect. I felt that the poem was better because of your use of this tool with it. Zadown: Thank you for your example. With less skillful uses of repetition in prose, I as a reader often pick up on the word as causing an unintended distraction. However, I consider it a compliment to Zadown's style in this short piece that I did not pick out immediately which words he was reusing. At the long string of slashes/parries, I did, but that at point as well I found it well-used. purple_shadows: This piece was also effective in using the tool. I got the definite feeling that the phrase was an integral part of the emotions and meaning of the poem. I also liked the change of pace at the end, using it twice in one stanza and then again just once in the last. cryptomancer: I liked how you chose a "portion of a phrase" (if one can call it that) and then altered its introduction to each statement. On one hand it produced a neat effect upon rereading, but on the other, I felt that it lessened the obviousness of the repetition. It was very good use of the tool, but the poem did not seem to center on the idea as Tanuchan's and purple_shadows' did, despite the title including the phrase as well. Secondly: Although I liked everyone's contributions, my own perspective on the use of repetition in them causes me to award: purple_shadows - 25 geld Tanuchan - 20 geld cryptomancer - 15 geld Zadown - 5 for participation Peredhil - 5 for participation Thirdly, a little thought on the ordering of the winners. I felt that the top three were very close and what pushed purple_shadows' and Tanuchan's pieces up was probably the general feeling that the poems were centered on the repeated portion. Not to say that I felt "wings of dark" was forced or put in at the last moment, but simply that "cold" and "young and out of love" were very much what the poems were about, and not a secondary theme. I felt that this improved the effectiveness. Next, Tanuchan's and purple_shadows' poems were very close. I think a large part of what caused me to give purple_shadows first place was the use of an entire phrase instead of one word. This made the repetition seem just a little more natural in the piece, even though the use of one word makes the repetition flexible and Tanuchan used it well. I've also altered my original geld scheme a little because the rounding would not have worked out very neatly (25, 15, 10 if using closest number or 25, 20, 10 if rounding up, and this seemed too inconsistent to me, especially since they were all very close. I hope I haven't insulted anyone... and thank you everyone!
Tanuchan Posted August 3, 2004 Report Posted August 3, 2004 (edited) Thanks, I'm happy you liked my little piece *hugs all participants* Nicely done everybody - I really liked so many different examples of repetition, speacially those in prose - as I feel that it's very difficult to use it effectively in this form . *huge hugs to purple_shadows* Congratulations! Edited August 3, 2004 by Tanuchan
Peredhil Posted August 3, 2004 Report Posted August 3, 2004 W00t! Five more geld... Well thought criticism on each piece, fun contest. Nicely judged. nods Begins conspiring about the Bachelorette Auctions with Wyvern...
cryptomancer Posted August 4, 2004 Report Posted August 4, 2004 Well done all. Also, thanks for the critique, it is great to get feedback of my writting, and I am honoured that you considered it worthy of a placing. Congrats to all. *bows to each contestant* Beautiful works each of you. *grins*
purple_shadows Posted August 6, 2004 Report Posted August 6, 2004 *bows* thank you. and great job everyone who participated.
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