dragonqueen Posted July 15, 2004 Report Posted July 15, 2004 Everyone deserves A sip of serendipity. That unexpected smile, That little act of kindness. That fortuitous fortune. A sip of serendipity. A sweet little treasure. An unsought treat. A sip of serendipity. Delectable to taste. Delightful to behold. A sip of serendipity. A bright spot in the clouds. Something you weren't looking for. A sip of serendipity. It'll touch your heart And warm your soul. A sip of serendipity.
Tanuchan Posted July 15, 2004 Report Posted July 15, 2004 I like the light feeling of the poem, its simplicity and the smile I associate to it. But the repetition of the line "A sip of serendipity" every two lines or so breaks somewhat both the rhythm of the reading and the feeling, specially at the 3rd and 4th times. You could maybe consider taking some of the repetitive lines out, or rewording them to play with the same idea without having exactly the same phrase. Just my thoughts, though It's nice having the chance to smile upon the casual things of life Thanks for sharing, Dragonqueen. ~Tanny
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