DeanTheAdequate Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 Dean saunters over to the ever growing line of booths. He smiles down the line and assembles a crude booth. Soon he produces a can of paint and writes in big, bold letters on the sign above... Bad Advice, 5 Cents He then finds a pair of stools and places one in front of the paper which claims The Doctor is in "This will sooo never work" says Phil, towing behind him a stuffed rabbit won from the ball toss. "Yesh," Dean says "But if it does... I'll be swimming in gin by," he does some calculations "8pm on the 23rd" Dean then puts up a jar labled "Tips" and sits behind the booth, waiting.
Quincunx Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 Tzimfemme scribbles "don't spit into the wind" onto a scrap of parchment and inserts it into the Tips jar.
DeanTheAdequate Posted July 8, 2004 Author Report Posted July 8, 2004 (edited) Dean takes out the slip of paper and pockets it, in case he may need it later. "Truely there are those who do not need my advise, for thiers is enough." He places it instead in a frame and writes under it "Our First Tip" Edited July 8, 2004 by DeanTheAdequate
Gryphon Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 Bounds up on Quincunx's heals and shoves another scrap of paper into the jar, it reads: Don't ever say yes if a lady asks you "do I look fat in this" Gryphon winks at Dean and then bounds off.
Xaious, Master of Time Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 Xaious appears in front of the jar, drops in a note, and disappears. "It is better to be peed off, than to be peed on."
Mira Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 Mira saunters (that’s right saunters!) up to the booth and ponders for a moment. He suddenly remembers some advice he had been given during his many travels afar. "When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do"
Mynx Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 (edited) Mynx walks up to the booth, Ponders, before writing on a slip of paper and placing it in the jar... "Keep away from Pumpkinhead unless you're tired of living, His enemies are mostly dead, he's mean and unforgiving" She smiles, before shouldering her scythe and walking away Edited July 8, 2004 by Mynx
cryptomancer Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 The Raven lands in the booth, and scribbles a note for the jar muttering "A little human told me this" 'Women and cats will do as they please, Men and dogs should relax and get use to the idea.' - Robert Heinlein "As for something from me............" 'dont wear artifacts controlled by your wife' (bows and departs)
Gnarlitch Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 The stinky dwarf stumbles into the booth and plops himself down on ne of the stools. "Can you help me Doc? I REALLY need some help."
Katzaniel Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 While Gnarlitch is waiting for his advice, Katzaniel wraps a piece of paper around a nickel and tosses it into the jar. The paper says: My Tip: Don't eat yellow snow. Appendum to Gryphon's Tip: And don't say "no" either. Say, "You never look fat, dear." And the 5 cents is whatever sort of tip you want it to be.
Vlad Posted July 8, 2004 Report Posted July 8, 2004 Vlad wanders by humming a quaint little tune. Seeing the bad advice booth, he walks over, and immediately feels at home. "Well here's what I can tell you: Never ask a cop if you look sober enough to drive. Never press a large red button marked "Do Not Press." Don't ride a camel backwards through the city. Oh, I've got one more. If it looks electric, don't try to lick it."
DeanTheAdequate Posted July 9, 2004 Author Report Posted July 9, 2004 The stinky dwarf stumbles into the booth and plops himself down on ne of the stools. "Can you help me Doc? I REALLY need some help." Very well then, any particular advice needed, or general?
DeanTheAdequate Posted July 9, 2004 Author Report Posted July 9, 2004 And the 5 cents is whatever sort of tip you want it to be. There will come times when a line forms. It may be for a sporting event, or a grocers checkout, or even an ATM. But remember this... A quick stab in the kidney of the person in front of you will scatter the line very efficiently so that you may go about your business. Thank you for your patronage.
The Big Pointy One Posted July 12, 2004 Report Posted July 12, 2004 Feeling generous, Stick drops a whole piece of geld into the tip jar. "Gimme your best advice! ...err, well, I guess in this case, it's your worst..."
DeanTheAdequate Posted July 12, 2004 Author Report Posted July 12, 2004 Feeling generous, Stick drops a whole piece of geld into the tip jar. "Gimme your best advice! ...err, well, I guess in this case, it's your worst..." Dean comes back from the Beer booth with a sixer of pints. He spies the geld on the ledge, and its owner. He reverently sets the tray of ales on his stool, looks around, then begins casting a small spell. The booth descends into darkness, so that all who can hear are The Big Pointy One and himself. "Very well," Dean says "You have asked for the worst advise possable. Advice so bad, it rivals that of starting a land war in Asia... If only CaoCao had not taken it as real... So my worst advise? It has driven others mad. It has rivaled the Necronomicon and every work of Robert Heinlein in inducing insanity. Are you prepared to accept the truth inside this bad advise?" TBPO nodded. "So be it." Dean took a big drought from a pint, downing it in one go. He shifted left, right, then checked Phil. The little cat had covered his ears with his paws and was cowering. "Be normal. Suscribe to the standards that society puts before you. Enjoy watching reality television and talk about it at the water cooler of your nine to five job. Rest easy in your safe bed next to your partner who has grown dull with your existance. Take in meals at only the trendiest of places, yet eat no grains, for a dead doctor said they shall make you fat. Excersise three times a week. Not for your health, but to make others THINK you have health. Drive a big Sport Utility Vehicle. Biggest on your block, so that it hardly squeezes in your driveway. Only read what is on the best seller list, or on Oprah's. And finally, buy a Segway, for it is the future of inner city transportaion. Even if it makes you look like a tool. That is all." The spell fades, the darkness dies out. The carnival can be seen again. Dean pockets the coinage and downs two more of the pints. Then offers one to TBPO.
Salinye Posted July 12, 2004 Report Posted July 12, 2004 Salinye walks up placing a folded peice of paper in the tip jar. It reads... "Race along side ambulences, cop cars and other emergency vehicles when they are driving with their lights and sirens on. They like that." ~Salinye
The Big Pointy One Posted July 13, 2004 Report Posted July 13, 2004 Stick looks at the pint in front of him, his eyes wide in horror. He looks from Dean to the pint several times, then splashes himself in the face with the ale and runs screaming into the woods.
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