Alkinae Posted July 2, 2004 Report Posted July 2, 2004 I just posted a story I started writing a while back (Beacon) and I'm at the same point from when I started. I can't think of what to do next. Writer's block sucks, but I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that. So if anybody can read it and, maybe, offer suggestions, then that would be great. Thanks.
Xaious, Master of Time Posted July 2, 2004 Report Posted July 2, 2004 Heh. Just for exra incentive to the good folks at the Pen, here's a link: Beacon ..Now I have to go read it......
Katzaniel Posted July 3, 2004 Report Posted July 3, 2004 I've only had time to read the prologue and first chapter, and aside from enjoying your style of writing and liking the plot so far, I had one comment. The line, "Sato had a way with words like Charles Manson had a way with people." (That might not be exactly right, but you know which line I mean now.) I loved it at first, it was a great simile, until I realized that Charles Manson had apparently had a really good "way with people". His incredible charisma was what had enabled him to get people into his apartment in the first place. Although it is possible that I'm thinking of a different mass-murderer, I also realized that this line is a time & cultural reference that you don't really need. Obviously it's your choice, but I'd recommend altering it to "...like a psychopath..." or "...like a mass-murderer..." or something. I have to take off now, but I'll keep reading later and see if I can help that writer's block of yours or not.
Mira Posted July 3, 2004 Report Posted July 3, 2004 Katzaniel is right. Manson was extreamly charismatic, thats what allowed him to form the "cult" of women who preformed the murders that he was convicted for.
Alkinae Posted July 3, 2004 Author Report Posted July 3, 2004 Thanks. I wasn't thinking about the rest of that when I wrote it down, so I'm changing it.
Katzaniel Posted July 3, 2004 Report Posted July 3, 2004 Okay, so you've created these 5 characters, gotten them together, created reasons for them to work together, and now don't know where to go? Well, my first comment would be that you've rushed them to where they are. I don't mind the things that happen so much as the fact that you don't explain too much of the motivation for any of it. The first little bit is fine, Sato has a history and character, but for some reason the rest of the character seem very random. I think you need to explain their backgrounds to us, and also to go more slowly through the whole part that gets them together. I mean, you're skipping over the most exciting parts - Sato fighting the dragon (even if nothing much happened, it should be described better than in parentheses, it was rather important), and the whole Gauntlet adventure and the conversation afterward that allowed them to not kill each other. So, slow down, you could make the part that you have already about five or ten times longer. My second comment is that you need to know for yourself why all this is happening. Don't tell the audience yet, but make sure you know. Do you? Because if you don't, then I'd say you're asking us to help you decide on that more than anything else. I don't believe you can continue it without figuring that out. If you already have, then you're asking how to go about writing the adventures that allow these 5 characters to discover why someone is after their town, and stop them. So what I'm saying is, I think we need to know whether you have any ideas about who put the Beacon there or not before we can help you decide where to go from here.
Alkinae Posted July 3, 2004 Author Report Posted July 3, 2004 (edited) I put Beacon in the writing help place. I don't know how to move posts, so I copy/pasted it to a new thread there. I also don't know how to erase old topics, so I left a small message. As far as the story goes, I haven't actually touched it in a while. It had started as a joke with my friends that I decided to make a story from, so I wrote the events down before geting to dialogue to make sure I wouldn't forget them. I'm going to work on it from there, and probably change a lot of things about it before it's over. I have few ideas about what happens next, but I wanted some help on writing the thing. See, I have ideas but have not done an extensive deal with writing (more of a musician and artist, very time-consuming hobbies) and I figured that the best place for pointers on writing would be a writing community. Also, if any words (outside of conversation) are mispelled, please inform me. I don't always catch that. Edited July 4, 2004 by Alkinae
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