Justin Silverblade Posted June 25, 2004 Report Posted June 25, 2004 Really little thought to it - just wanted to convey my thoughts before I "hit the hay" and begin another day of work. That and I miss writing poetry. - Justin Each Day I, Get, Home, Eventually. Eventually. Further- Longer- Slower than I wanted too. And then, Relief... A single blissful moment Where no thing stirs to move me, No call beckons to demand my time, All the night, alone, I have to be: me. Then the 'morrow With no reprieve. Without remorse I'm lost to time, Without World's thought or rhyme A slave to Summer's schedule, I wish for ways more sublime - but, I, Get, Home, Eventually.
Wyvern Posted June 27, 2004 Report Posted June 27, 2004 I really like this poem, Justin, regardless of how little thought you claim you put into it. ;-) I particularly like the way that the structure of the first stanza compliments the tone of the poem, as the manner that it slowly stretches out and repeats itself seems to reflect the "Summer schedule" referred to in the third stanza. I also really like the interesting rhyme scheme of the third stanza, as the manner that the sixth line rhymes with the third and the fourth line only to be cut off by "but" was a very interesting touch. Very good poem, and great to see you writing again Justin. I look forward to more of your stuff.
Yuki Kokoro Posted June 30, 2004 Report Posted June 30, 2004 (edited) I really enjoyed this as well, I liked the simplicity and I found it added to the worn down atmosphere and honest emotions. The format made for an interesting read too, the lines broken into short phrases slowed down my reading which made the tone come through even more clearly. "Relief..." was read as a long sigh and the repeated "I/ Get/ Home/ Eventually" also had a relieved feel, like those final slow steps of a long journey. Those repeated four words also made for a visually appealing pattern in my eyes with the two block stanzas in the middle. This brief glimpse into a moment of calm created a peaceful mood that also made me take a moment to stop and breath. It was a refreshing piece, thank you for sharing it, and I hope your schedule eases off a bit soon. Edited June 30, 2004 by Yuki Kokoro
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