Life Question 13

[Salinye]

Old scenario.

 

Gun to your head, you have to choose who lives. Your spouse or your child? I know the noble answer at the time might be "I won't choose, so shoot us all if you will, but I'll take no part in the decision making or this mental head game of yours."

 

BUT I don't want to hear that in this thread. I know this is rather dark and morbid for a Salinye Life Question, but I don't mean for it to be. Obviously this choice is near impossible, but I'm more interested in hearing the why's, thoughts behind the decision and the justifications.

 

This all stems from a conversation between a bunch of wives last night and I'm interested in getting your perspective. So, although a morbid and unthinkable choice, if you had to pick A or B, which would you say and why?

 

I'll add my thoughts later so as not to lead anyone down one road or another since I've had time to think this over and recent discussion on the topic.

 

~Salinye

[Appy]

I wish I could get into answering this, since I've always enjoyed your questions. But.. I don't want children and if I can help it, will never have them. Therefor it's not fair if I answer

 

Curious about what other ppl will say tho and very glad you've returned and started your Life Question's again, Salinye

[Zadown]

Kids are a renewable resource.

 

... or if that doesn't work as an answer, consider this: whichever ye save, will hate you forever for letting his/her kid/parent die (yeah, it doesn't help any it's an act of god or a crazed scientist doing the actual killing, us humans excel at blaming), unless the kid is too young to realize what's happening. So, it's a choice between painful divorce or living with a little hate and sorrow -filled devil. Fun, eh?

[Peredhil]

How do I know that the killer won't just kill us all? If it's a given that they're Lawful Evil and therefore might honor their word, I'd have to go with the child - children are the genetic future.

[Gwaihir]

I have neither spouse or children, but I'm sure that if asked my spouse would say preserve the child, so it would be a betrayal of him not to. Anyway, that does seem the correct response.

[Zadown]

Say both yer spouse and yer kids are sick and ye have only enough medicine for one or the other, that'll remove the pondering about a killer.

[Appy]

But that would change the question, since it'll put the choice truley entirely in your hands.... with a 4th person involved who does the killing.. that's something different in my opinion....

[Katzaniel]

Just one kid? How old? How long have you known / been married to your spouse?

 

I know someone who had to go through the death of their child, and from my perspective it was probably made so much worse through the fact that no one ever expects to live longer than their children. So young. A parent dying is terrible, a spouse dying is worse (depending a little bit on how old you are) but seeing a child die is absolutely horrible. I'm assuming you love your husband (/wife) and your child, probably about equally, but deep down inside most of us are at least partially prepared to be without their spouse at some point. Sorry Tam, but I think if it came right down to it (and if it *really* came to it, I'd certainly die before anyone else) then I'd ask that the child be allowed to live.

[Regel]

Basically you are proposing Sophie's choice. A movie where faced with losing both of her children, Sophie must choose between saving her son or saving her daughter. She chooses her son and lives the rest of her life with the knowledge that she could have saved her daughter's life but didn't. There was no right or wrong choice for Sophie. SHe could only save one but she did not cause the death of the other. My comment after that movie was that she had the courage to live with that I doubt I could have.

 

My answer to the question as framed is I would choose my child. There are many reasons but the only one that would matter would be "what would my spouse want?" I have not consulted her on this but having lived with her for over 24 years she would not survive the choice. She would die either way. My life would also be forfeit as my would be my soul for if it was in my power I would track the person down and kill them.

[Finnius]

I would have to choose my children over my spouse. There is nothing in me, not even at the expense of the person I love, that would allow for me to hurt a child... and especially not my own.

 

That said, I would regret and weep for a very long time, curse myself and likely spiral down into a crushed shell of a man. Maybe I'd move on, who knows?

 

(Shakes his angry fist at Sal for difficult soul-searching questions. Keep 'em coming!)

[Aardvark]

Assuming the spouse is the genetic parent, then he/she has already passed on his genes, therefore are expendable

 

But there's always another way out of a situation. Even a gun-toting madman can't stand up to an adrenalin charged angry mother

[Justin Silverblade]

At this point in my life, the logic works like this - given that the previously mentioned answer is unchoosable.

 

If it were me or my child, who would I pick? Kill me.

If my spouse had to choose between her and our child, who would she pick? Kill her, not the child.

If my spouse had to choose between me and our child, who would I want her to pick? Kill me.

 

On this kind of a subject, I would hope I would have a spouce who felt the same way. Thus assumed:

 

If I had to choose between my spouse and my child, who would my spouce want me to pick? Kill her, not the child.

 

So, now we have to consider the child. Assuming away all deseases etc (so as to take the carpet out from under any arguement the child might later make in their future), the child has lived less, and experienced less. My spouse and I, despite problems that rise and ease with time, would have a deeper and more developed sense of self, and if we're with each other and have a child, I'd like to think - a deeper sense of happiness. Knowing it, how could we rob it from a child? Especially if FINDING and REALIZING that happiness, is exponentially better than having it.

 

This is what we... or I suppose I in this situation... would hope to teach our child. No parent should outlive their child, I heard it once said, and, with special exceptions of couse, I agree with it. Hopefully I could teach my child the same.

 

If I had to pick who lives, it would be the child.

 

Though to think of it, I think rationality could help ease a conscience that made either decision.

 

Just had to answer, Sayline! That was morbid however!

 

- Justin

[Salinye]

Well, I've thought a lot about this one.

 

First of all, when I think about which would be worse to lose (outside of the choice) I have different reactions. Losing a child is so horrific, so unthinkable, that it's amazing that anyone even survives it under normal circumstances. As a mother I would have to work very hard to get it together enough to still be a good mother to my remaining children.

 

The thought of losing my husband is devastating in a whole new way. It would be like losing half of myself. My bestfriend, my soul mate. But also, when I lose my husband my children are also losing their father. I have to figure out how to support myself and my children as a single mom. Not to mention all the emotional pain.

 

So when it comes to the choice, I would be choosing to kill off not only my husband, but to leave my children fatherless. It's something to consider. However, when the choice is presented in the "bad guy gun" manner, the choice is a no brainer for me. I would choose my husband to die. Not because it would be easier, but because it would be the right thing to do and my husband would want it that way. Also, I figure God gave me those kids to take care of, so I need to always intend to do so.

 

It's not a very realistic situation, as anyone asking that would most likely be playing head games and planning on killing us all anyway. But it is interesting to hear your thoughts on it. :0) It's nice to see people hold Children so very special.

 

~Salinye

[Valdar and Astralis]

I'm with 'vark, and would probably fly into an insane rage and charge down the offender with my teeth. . .

[Aardvark]

Dude, if you had a gun to your head, you could render the thing inoperable with an earflick

[The Big Pointy One]

I think I'd try very hard to pull some sorta martial-arts take the gun out of the madman's hand trick. Granted, I don't know martial arts, and I'm not so sure I'd be fast enough to disarm the guy with the gun, but I'd try.

 

If I couldn't do that, I'd probably curse a lot, and throw a tantrum; you know, be respectable and dignified about it. Of course, I could also try threatening the guy with the gun and saying the whole situation is a ruse and that I was actually in control. Yes, indeed, I would tell him, that I am a powerful magician capable of great power, and that this crazy guy with a gun would have to bow before me or suffer consequences more harsh than any man-made weapon could inflict. Hopefully since I had been around my wife and child long enough for them to understand that I am partially insane, they'd go along with it and work together as a family to convince this dude to bugger off.

 

If all of that still didn't work, it really wouldn't make much of a difference which person I chose to save. A child has so much to offer to the world, and of course have a longer life to live than the parent. However, it would be difficult for me to give up someone who I had actually succeeded in marrying and producing a child with. Being the lonely guy I am these days, it'd be the most difficult thing to sacrifice the love of my life. Since, after all, I believe that's the ultimate goal in life... it'd be kinda counterproductive, to say in the harshest, simplest terms. Whoever I choose to spare will (as well as myself) go through life dealing with the loneliness, sadness and despair that would inevitably follow. Eventually, they would overcome these barriers, as is the human spirit (in most cases, anyways) but the pain would still remain, somewhere inside.

 

To take away the person who gave life to my child, or to take away the gift that is a child (a gift not only to ourselves, but to the world!) To take my other half, my life's being, my heart and soul, or to take my child, whom I love equally as my wife, my child who is a very part of my being, my flesh and blood... whoever I choose, I would inevitably be wridden (sp?) with guilt, because I could not stand not having either, and I could not stand being responsible (the circumstances may be out of my control, but I made the choice, so I am indeed responsible) for taking away a part of my life like that. Eventually, I think the choice would destroy me, and I would have to leave behind whomever I chose for the rest of their life. Whatever happens, everyone's life would be destroyed, and it'd be pointless to choose.

 

Which one? Which one? Yeah, I think I'll be fighting back until either I'm dead or my whole family's alive, thanks. Screw the consequences.

 

[Alaeha]

Hmm... For myself, I hate small children. With rare exceptions, I have difficulty finding single redeeming qualities in any being under the age of 12.

 

So most likely, first of all, I wouldn't have a kid. If I did, chances are I would like it only because my wife had somehow managed to forgive the thing (and me) for labor pains, and if she could do that, I'd have something of an obligation to not hate it.

 

So if the kid was less than 14 years or older, unless she were screaming at me to let the kid live, I'd keep her. As Zadown noted, kids are renewable resources.

 

Besides, there are millions waiting to be adopted.

 

If the kid were a human being, (of an age when they could maintain an intelligent conversation, and had at least two redeeming qualities,) then I'd be screwed either way because no matter which choice I made, "any idiot" would know better, and I should be ashamed of myself, and I obviously never knew/loved the living one, blah blah... So I'd preempt it by saying to kill both.

 

Except I'd probably have my inner bastard reined in at that point. I honestly can't think of any non-bastardly answers right now.

[Ayshela]

Ayshela blinks at Alaeha in surprise.

 

Good gods, i see that the combination of wrapping up your Intro to Ethics class (aka How to Have Someone Else's Beliefs Crammed Down Your Throat), and helping Celiwyn take the kids to the waterslides, and sleep deprivation, has finally reached critical mass!

 

You may want to revisit the question later..

 

or, you may certainly borrow a leaf from my book and, in refusing to accept the enforced passivity inherent in the question, refuse to accept the question itself as valid and thus refuse to answer.