Foolish love?

[DL_Snake]

Another empty day,

Lost in a daze,

Longing for something to say.

 

I look at her,

Happily going around,

While in my eyes gather a tear.

 

I love you,

I want to say,

But the sight of her makes me blue.

 

To know such pain,

Wanting something improbable,

For a mere human, driven insane.

 

Foolish me,

Dreaming of her,

When I know I'm not her cup of tea.

 

Alas my heart cannot desist,

I fail to rid my love of her,

Her charm I could nary resist.

 

And so I carry on,

Day by day dreaming,

Day by day more forlorn.....

Edited May 30, 2004 by DL_Snake

[Xaious, Master of Time]

*places one hand over his heart, and with the other wipes away a tear*

..I know that one....

I loathe the way that works....

And the longer it goes, the worse it gets..I hate it....

Awesome poem.

[Ayshela]

*smiles*

you'll find a great deal of emotional understanding here, for this.

 

the only line here which seems truly awkward is this one:

Is not for a mere human's sane.

you seem to have gone with "sane" to rhyme with the first line, but you haven't a set rhyme scheme for the rest, so i wouldn't alter the grammar for that. You could easily go with "sanity" or, if you wanted a one syllable word, "mind".

[DL_Snake]

I've altered it a bit

 

Thanks for the comments you guys

 

Ayshela, I do believe I tried to rhyme most of my first lines with the third lines in my stanzas, or maybe i rhyming wasn't good enough or too subtle =)

[Ayshela]

*nods* some of them looked like you were aiming that way, and some of them were .. a bit of a stretch .. but there wasn't enough consistency to warrant a flagrant break in the grammar IMO. i was aware of the first and third thing, but as noted, it was inconsistent.

[DL_Snake]

yup...well it's to be loosely rhymed, anyway...thanks a lot Ayshela, I didn't even notice I over-used my writer's license in that line =)