I just wanted to ask

[Silkarn]

Semper Gumby is a collection of short stories I have written about the USMC, the main character is a guy named Cowwes, there is no order to the stories as of yet. At this time I am still trying to "rediscover" my voice if you will, as it has been some time since I have done this. I welcome any and all comments.

 

 

 

 

I just wanted to ask...

 

 

The Recruit appeared directly in front of Staff Sergent Cowwes, desepretly tring to look impressive for his Drill Instructor. Ssgt Cowwes uniform was crisply pressed, the creases so sharp as to give one the impression you might cut yourself on them if you were not careful. Even on a day like today, with humidity in the 90's and tepretures in the high 80's, Cowwes uniform was dry as a bone, apparently the man didn't sweat, ever.

 

Cowwes exploded in to a rant, "WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT, THING!?! WELL WHAT, I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN TO WATCH YOU BITE YOUR BOTTOM LIP RECRUIT, DON'T YA' THINK!"

 

"Sir, yes sir!" Recruit Cooper strained in reply. Cooper's voice took on an unnaturally high pitch, adding to the illusion, that he was a child wearing his father's uniform, two sizes too big, covered in sweat, and dirt. Cooper's clothes were darkly stained with sweat around his arms and brow; a faint line of salt was noticable where the stains would end.

 

"BULLSHIT, DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK COOPER?!? NOW ANSWER MY FREAKING QUESTION!" SSgt Cowwes roared, his tone slowing for the intellect impaired. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING?!" His hands gestured in a mock sign language, "WELL COOPER ARE WE HAVING A PROBLEM OR ARE YOU JUST AS DUMB AS A BOX OF ROCKS?!?"

 

Cooper did his best to maintain control of his quickly filling bladder, he really hated this. "Sir this recruit knows what to do sir!"

 

"BULLSHIT!! COOPER IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING THEN MONKEYS ARE FLYING OUT OF MY BUTT!!! DO YOU SEE MONKEYS FLYING OUT OF MY BUTT RECRUIT?"

 

"Sir no sir, there are no monkeys flying out of the Drill Instructor's butt!" Cooper replied knowing even as he did he was about to loose another round.

 

"OH MY GOD, NOW YOU'RE LOOKING AT MY ASS COOPER?!" SSgt Cowwes screamed, in an unusally loud and obnoxius tone, almost loud enough to drown out the nearby airliners, landing nearby. "SO DO I HAVE A NICE ASS COOPER, DO YOU LIKE MY ASS COOPER, I DON'T HAVE A FAT ASS DO I COOPER?!"

 

"Sir, no sir!" Cooper replied in desperation, just wishing for a way out of this horrid mess. Oh crap that was not the right thing to say Cooper realized, just a moment to late.

 

"OH MY GOD! YOU DON'T LIKE MY ASS COOPER??? IS IT TO FAT COOPER?! YOU DON'T THINK I GET ENOUGH PT DO YOU COOPER?!!" SSgt Cowwes replied, a twisted smile crossing his face, a twinge of evil flashing in his eyesthis had the effect of making him look like a real life version of the Joker. He leaned closer to Cooper, inches from Cooper's face he breathed out hevily allowing Cooper to get the full effect of his gralic, tabasco, chillid dog with onions laced breath. The brim of Cowwes Smokey Bear touching Cooper's head. Cooper knew the end of his young life was near, in this instance he acted entirely on instinct forggeting his bladder momentarily, probably a bad move in his current situation.

 

"Sir no sir!" Cooper replied.

 

"YOU THINK I HAVE A FAT ASS COOPER!!! IS THTA WHY YOU DON'T LIKE MY ASS COOPER?!? COOPER YOU HAD BETTER PRAY TO WHATEVER GODS YOU KNOW THAT I DIE BEFORE 09:30 TOMORROW, BECAUSE IF I DON'T I WILL ENSURE THAT YOU HAVE A HEART ATTACK DURING PT!!! I WILL THEN REVIVE YOUR DUMB ASS, JUST SO I CAN PUNISH YOU FOR DARING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK DURING MARINE CORPS PT!!! THEN WE WILL SEE WHO HAS A FAT ASS!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME COOPER?!?"

 

"Sir yes sir!" Cooper meekly replied with dread of the coming day.

 

"GOOD, now what do you want Cooper?"

 

"Recruit Cooper request permission to speak sir!"

 

"GOD DAMMIT COOPER, WILL YOU ASK THE FREAKING QUESTION BEFORE I DIE OF OLD AGE!!!"

 

"Sir Recruit Cooper request permission to use the head sir!"

 

"Are you going to piss your little panties Cooper? Leave Cooper, you have 1 minute, 59, 58, 57, 48, 35....."

 

Cooper scurried off as quickly as somebody with a full bladder possibly could. From somewhere behind him he heard SSgt Cowwes bellow, "OH MY GOD, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT, THING!?! WELL WHAT, I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN TO WATCH YOU BITE YOUR BOTTOM LIP RECRUIT, DON'T YA' THINK!"

 

 

Cooper couldn't help but smile.