HappyBuddha Posted May 21, 2004 Report Posted May 21, 2004 (edited) This is my application...any and all criticism of all different types would be appreciated, although preferably the tougher criticism as I would like to improve. Yeah, its 2:20 in the morning, does my small amount of accompanying sentences tell that by any chance? [Edit: Okay, I totally thought of a more satisfactory ending to this, and changed the ending slightly. Sorry for any disruption this may cause, but I'm a perfectionist with my poems Revelation I’ve seen this path before Yet it frightens me, as always The terrifying sight of the well-known To take the first step Would be a relief I cannot why? A wrenching feeling that defies translation Slump against a pillar Gaze upon the path with dull eyes Numbly finger this memento ringing my neck Familiar indentation calluses my hand And I remember it stirs beneath my fingers What I have been fades Overcome by what I am The curtain of the everyday is torn I step through onto my own path I move on Edited May 21, 2004 by HappyBuddha
Tanuchan Posted May 23, 2004 Report Posted May 23, 2004 (edited) It's a beautiful poem and I'm happy you're sharing it at the Recruiter's Office *hugs* The path unwinds in front of me I know not where it goes But the places it goes through Are those I saw in many dreams Now awaken I follow the path Holding my breath step after step Ready to fight, ready to win Whatever comes before the end. ~Tanny Edited May 23, 2004 by Tanuchan
Savage Dragon Posted May 23, 2004 Report Posted May 23, 2004 Very good, very good. **claps a little too enthusiasticly** wonderful work. glad to see you applying. its about time
Wyvern Posted May 24, 2004 Report Posted May 24, 2004 HappyBuddha sighs to himself and fidgets in his "Extra-Endurance Adamantium Applicant Easy Hammock," bending it slightly and causing small tremors to wave through the floor of the room. Tanuchan and MeThinksUFoolish cling to several messy file cabinets as HappyBuddha taps his foot impatiently on the ground, causing the room to shake with each contact and leaving large foot-shaped impact craters in the foots wake. Mumbling curses under his breath and keeping a close eye on the Office door, the enormous buddha raises his chin(s) as the front entrance to the Office slowly creaks open. "Wyvern!" exclaims HappyBuddha, causing the entire room to quake as he lifts himself from his seat. "Finally, what took you so-" The eager applicant comes to a sudden stop as he notices that the figure entering the Office is not, in fact, Wyvern, but rather what appears to be a Post-It note golem. The walking mass of Post-It notes slowly hobbles towards the Recruiter’s desk, several of its notes falling to the ground as it does so, the phrases “Contact Treant Hill” and “Don’t Forget to Scheme” listed on them amongst other things. Upon arriving at the desk, the “golem” seats itself in the principal chair and claws at its face with it’s Post-It note hands until it eventually reveals the scaly visage of Wyvern. “Sssorry for the wait.” hisses Wyvern as he picks up HappyBuddha’s application by means of the sticky ends of several Post-It notes. “I’ll read over this poem in a jiffy.” HappyBuddha cracks a small smile and nods eagerly as Wyvern begins avidly reading over his application, marking several interesting passages by sticking Post-It notes that read “Buy Highlighter Markers” on them. After he’s finished, the reptilian Elder scratches his scaly chin, curses as it gives him several Post-It note paper cuts, and hisses: “A very good poem, HappyBuddha, and certainly an acceptable application…. though I do have one concern.” “Ah?” mutters HappyBuddha, his smile quickly fading as Wyvern nods and points to a Post-It note on his forehead that reads “Tend to Worries.” “Yesss… it’s the line ‘Slump against a pillar,’ located in the fifth stanza. I’m afraid that in the wake of the Quincuinox, I can’t risk you leaning against any of the Pen’s pillar supports… goodness knows, the damage bills for our abode are already skyrocketing.” Wyvern lets out a happy sigh. “Good thing that evilness is still ignorant!” With that, the overgrown lizard stamps HappyBuddha’s application ACCEPTED, afterwards sticking a Post-It note that reads “Remember to Thank Applicants for Their Patience” onto it while he begins to gather up the notes he had previously removed from his face. ;-) OOC: A very good poem and an ACCEPTED application, HappyBuddha. Welcome to the Mighty Pen! I'm happy to see that you finally decided to apply, and I look forward to reading more of your writing and participating with you in roleplaying in the future. Thanks for your patience in waiting for this response, and once again, welcome!
Gnarlitch Posted May 24, 2004 Report Posted May 24, 2004 A strange and vile smell assualts the noses of everyone in Wyvern's office as a short bearded fellow climbs in the window and the goes across the room and out the door... STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP (in other words, you've just recieved the "Dwarven Stamp" of approval.
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