disizmrkent Posted May 18, 2004 Report Posted May 18, 2004 Give me your feedback, please. I just wrote this right now. I have never written like this. I usually only write poems with a simplistic flow... Please, tell me if I should give this style up, or explore it a little bit more: Your burden is your own I can only stand by and hope that someday someway somehow, hopefully now you come to realize you did this to yourself. Your loss is just that it's yours not mine not now or anytime but in time you'll see your love for me still lingers, while my love for you is gone And I stand here looking into your soul shattered broken apart I give back your heart only for your life no longer a wife and your only memory is what could have been
blain Posted May 19, 2004 Report Posted May 19, 2004 I think it's got some potential. I'd suggest a bit more use of punctuation to help with flow and clarity, but your use of line breaks is good.
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