#39

[Mira]

This is one of those stream of conscience poems I keep hearing about. I hope it makes some sense.

 

And so I’ve come to the realization

that there can be only two explanations

for this reality I perceive.

 

The first is the one the masses

unknowingly grasp.

That reality exists outside oneself.

Objects and items define the “real”.

Sensation is the result of physical processes.

The rules of the cosmos are not subject to change.

And it’s safe this way.

 

The second possibility is much harder to grasp

For it implies that my reality only exists inside my mind.

It’s unique to me, my own private universe.

Everything is an elaborate illusion,

A dream that seems all too…real.

 

I was once told that trying to ponder the true nature of reality was akin to shoveling smoke. I think that might be one of the truest things I've ever heard.

[Appy]

*knowing smile*

 

Where to start... that is a great poem, you've managed to explain those two realities in a very small amount of words. That is already worth of congratulations. But.. (there's always a 'But' isn't there? )

 

I do think that with some revising and rewording and remoddeling this could become even better, specially and specifically on the second stanza. It seems to me out of balance...then again, when looking at the content of the poem, it fits perfectly... difficult... oh well, my 2 cents on the structure you have already

 

On the content... I have no idea what a 'stream of consiousness' poem is supposed to be, because I've never heard of them. But the knowledge of two realities and the feeling that the latter from your poem could be much more satisfying had me (mostly unconsiously) searching for the path that leads to it. I doubt I'll ever manage (one of the reasons why I won't, the others will sound too freaky, even here ...) but I do believe that this is exactly the way of finding your true selves...Ok, now I'm getting too deep into it and might embarrass either myself or others. So I'll stop there.

 

Very interesting subject, and well-written... hope you either look over it once more (but I heard that you didn't? Not sure if that was you) or that you'll continue on this subject once more

[blain]

Personally, I'd add to the third stanza -- the second seems adequate to me, and the third seems clipped. And I'd add the part you wrote after that as a couplet at the very end.

 

Otherwise, I think it flows reasonably well.

[Ayshela]

"shoveling smoke" - gods, ain't that the truth???

 

i think i've finally figured out what keeps tripping me up on this one.

The second stanza is pretty concrete - "Grasp", "Objects and items", "Sensation", "physical processes", "rules" and "safe" -

 

and the third stanza doesn't either compare or contrast, really.

"inside my mind", "unique", and "private" are the general gist of it, it isn't until you get to "illusion" and "dream" that there's a solid contrast between "real world" physical senses and objects and internal reality-perception.

 

i think to more effectively contrast them they'd need to be more equally weighted as far as sense and perception.

 

and even at that, though i stumble over the imbalance, what you have is well done as always.

 

i do hope you come back to this one with a bit of sandpaper. =) You're always refreshing to read, and i like the way you've handled a topic which has always intrigued me. i'd love to see a polished version of this.