Falcon2001 Posted May 9, 2004 Report Posted May 9, 2004 on the table there stood a fainted rose surrounded by nothing at all discarded by nobody wanted by all but everyone had the courage i stared upon the scented petals and wondered how it had appeared with faithless love and faulty tones did it expand from love reached toward it my hands alone and longed to caress but deigned not to life ends so quickly the rose still there discarded
Vlad Posted May 15, 2004 Report Posted May 15, 2004 My first question is how a poem like this went uncommented on. Then I'll ask what you meant by the last line of the first stanza? Your poem does a good job keeping a fragmented tone, but this is a bit much. I, as a reader, got lost trying to figure out what courage has to do with not having a rose. Perhaps I'm just dense. The shortening stanzas work well with the theme that a rose apperently was the center of attantion but then fades away from everything. The second stanza reads akwardly because you use love so close together. I tripped over that part, but otherwise it was a good poem. From what I've heard you say on IRC, this wasn't the greates experience, and this poem reflects it well.
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