Days Ago Last Night

[Falcon2001]

I must apologize, as this stands mainly on the merit of it's musical tonology and not the sheer lyrics, but I'll let it go and see how people like it. Btw, each line is a new measure, and the longer measures are written so that there are two syllables per beat instead of one like the normal ones - the line "It was two" is a pickup, the last 1 1/2 beats of a measure. The last syllable of the last line of each piece is beat one of a new measure which contains the pickup to the next verse.

Observe:

[--------]

in this there are eight eigth notes, each of which is represented when silent as a -

[-----ooo]

<--- in this there are three eighth notes at the end representing three notes.

 

Anyway, here's the composition of each stanza.

 

[-----ooo]
[o-o-o-o-]
[oooooooo]
[o-o-o-o-]
[o----ooo]

The last line beginning the next stanza with it's pickup. Got it? Of course not. Where's the damned poem. Anyway, enjoy.

 

It was two

days ago last

Night I left you standing all a

Lone all by yourself

 

But every

Thing I ever

Wanted, needed, lusted, hoarded

I gave it to you

 

Now I am

Broken, shattered

Crying all alone up in my

Bedroom in the stars

 

I raise my

Head up to the

Sky and wonder what I have been

Missing all along

 

You were so

Perfect, Gentle

Subtle, kind graceful beautiful

Lovely to behold

 

And I say

I could never

Stand to see you in the arms of

Someone I despise

 

And when I

Die will no-one

Cry at the loss of just one more

Body to the grave

 

And so I

Listen gravely

Hoping that you'll finally come back

To me, please my dear

 

It was two

Days ago last

Night I left you lying in the

Moonlight all alone

Edited May 7, 2004 by Falcon2001

[Wyvern]

I really like the original form of this poem, Falcon, and think that your choice to experiment with music tonology in writing it produced a very interesting read. I particularly like the way that phrases such as "last night" and "every thing" are split to seperate lines, as they seem to create a very broken read that accentuates the theme of shattered love dealt with in the piece nicely.

 

Keep up the good work.

[X-Sabre]

thts a godd song!1!

u shud pt to musik. *hugz*

[Yui-chan]

Falcon,

 

I'm afraid the musical score stuff went right over my head. (What can I say? I'm short. ) I do love the visual nature of the lyrics, though, and I think the stanzas are beautiful in their flow and emotionalism. The only place where I wasn't quite as content with the words was in this stanza:

 

And so I

Listen gravely

Hoping that you'll finally come back

To me, please my dear

 

That 'please my dear' really felt like it just stood in the middle of the flow like a dam, utterly disrupting it. I'm not good enough with poetry to know whether that might have been on purpose or not, but I thought I'd mention it.

 

I have enjoyed this one. Thanks for sharing it.

 

Yours,

~Yui