Regel Posted May 4, 2004 Report Posted May 4, 2004 Another sad day dressed in black, In silence we shoulder a heavy load, Watching death's relentless attack, Emotions swell, call it grief a la mode. For one by one, And tit for tat, We watch them leave But they won't be back. But still we gather, Friends and family do that, Remembering what we've lost, As the reaper grows fat Home comings await us, Old familiar faces loom, Settling our fears for our eventual doom.
Merelas Posted May 6, 2004 Report Posted May 6, 2004 Wow... this is impressive. I'm sad that no one had replied to it yet. The sense of hopelessness is palpable in the poem, and the writer displays this very well. The only thing I would suggest changing is some of the rhythm (I probably spelled this word wrong) in the last stanza: Home comings await us, Old familiar faces loom, Settling our fears for our eventual doom. The line "Old familiar faces loom," is sort of awkward for me... I don't know why, it just doesn't ring right to my ear. Nonetheless, it is a very excellent poem. I hope I get a chance to read more from you!
Regel Posted May 8, 2004 Author Report Posted May 8, 2004 Thanks for the comments Merelas. A small revision might smooth it out. Home comings await us, Old familiars loom, Settling our fears for our eventual doom.
WrenWind Posted May 9, 2004 Report Posted May 9, 2004 *hugs* an expression of grief and fatalism that we all feel at times Well done!
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