Mira Posted May 1, 2004 Report Posted May 1, 2004 I’ve entered a world where it’s constantly grey, And the Sun never seems to rise or set. The wind sets a sway to the forest around me, And buffets my face like a forgotten god’s breath. Beyond the dread wind no sound takes to flight. No bird songs, nor snap of twig under foot, As if all sound are stifled, by the endless maddening wind.
Merelas Posted May 2, 2004 Report Posted May 2, 2004 Hmm. I like the rhythm (I always think I spell that word wrong) that you use in this poem a lot. For some reason, the tempo just really fits in my mind. The images that you're trying to portray somehow fit with it... ok so I can't explain it but it does really good for me. The only thing I wish were different were that it were longer. I like it as is, but if there were more... well... as they say, the more the merrier! Nice work, Mira.
Mira Posted May 3, 2004 Author Report Posted May 3, 2004 I have a tendency to keep my poems short, simply because once I've gotten the main idea out of my system, to add more would seem superficial. I wish I could lengthen them, but I just can't. I do however see what you mean, and will keep that in mind. Thanks for the feedback!
dragonqueen Posted May 7, 2004 Report Posted May 7, 2004 "Like a forgotten god's breath" - super cool line. Neat poem. Big focus on the wind. What did you mean with that? Kind of gets a feeling across, but it's hard to put a name to...sorry if I'm vaguely incoherent, I'm drifting a little right now. By the way, everything you write is great, even if I don't get it. Always has the perfect rythym and sound and stuff. It's good.
Mira Posted May 7, 2004 Author Report Posted May 7, 2004 The poem was inspired by a one of those windy, gray, early spring days. I practically live in the woods, and the sound of the wind in the trees, coupled with my lethargic mood inspired me to write this. The whole point of the poem was to convey what I felt.
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