Finnius Posted April 29, 2004 Report Posted April 29, 2004 Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 22, 2001 04:16 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Written April 22, 2001... a Sunday, I think I, Finnius, being of sound body, do hereby decree, upon my death, decapitation, mutilation, or dismemberment, that the following will should be followed IN ITS ENTIRETY. To Cerulean; or failing that, a circus monkey that resembles a mango, or is named "Mango," I leave a wedge of plexi-glass. To Wyvern; I leave two (2) pair rubber gloves and a proctology manual, to be used as he sees fit. To Mr. Hydrus Hydrobear; I leave the much-fabled ReChanter of Bottomless Fuses, in hopes that you can find a use for it. To Gyrfalcon; I leave the decaying corpses of Story Board Mods 1-27. I extend my sincerest apologies for keeping them so long. To All Multi-Mages Currently Residing in Terra; I leave this piece of advice: Run! The Administration Office knows your names, addresses, and non-existant multiple personalities! They are coming after you! Go now! To Orlan; I leave all the toiletries I have stolen from your personal bathroom over the years, with the exception of a box of tampons marked "For personal use." You have to explain that one, bub. To All Undead who entertain thoughts of attending my funeral; I leave "the Curse of the Great God and Pharoah Nanotoknonnen." (Wave hands ominously.) I hope this videocassette will be enough to bribe you away, you soulless monsters. To my Split-personality; I leave all of my monetary posessions. Should he be unavailable, I leave said possessions to any penguins residing in the Terran Zoo. To the Terran Doctors' Association; I leave my skin, in hopes that you will find out why it is blue. On second thought, I leave it to the worms, who will devour it. To Black, or failing that, Tamoranis; I leave two cloves of garlic and a wooden stake. To whomever delivered my eulogy; I leave a pat on the back. It would not, however, have killed you to praise me as the "finest mage ever to to grace our pitiful souls with his perfect perfection of perfectness." To Arawn; I leave a slide rule and an abacus. Upon my death, you will be the last living person who knows how to use them. To Peredhil; I leave my express wishes that, after my death, your cult should consider me for godhood. To Culex; I leave an H-Bomb with a three minute timer. I figure that you'll know what to do with it. To Canid; I leave the severed heads of 13 Newbies, in the hope that this will abate your hunger for human flesh and paper. Specifcally the paper. If I should be romantically attatched to anyone at the time of my death; I leave said person my heart. Also, my arteries, pancreas, and adrenal glands. --------------------------------------------- Directions for my Funeral: 1) My funeral should be held at the Terran National Hospital, as I have been promised admittance "over my dead body." 2) I wish to be buried in the nude. 3) Anyone who cries at my funeral should be thrown into the grave and stoned, immediately following the procession. 4) My obituary should read as follows: "Finnius, (Age), is dead. Get over it. 5) My epitaph should read: "I'm gettin' hungry, so would you please/ In lieu of flowers, just leave cheese?" 6) All attending my funeral should dress in neon-day-glo-fuschia jumpsuits. The organist should be prepared to play "Disco Inferno." Any pets in my care should be buried with me, along with clothes, jewelry, and children. 9) My pallbearers should throw themselves into my grave, and procede to bury themselves. --------------------------------------------- [This message has been edited by Finnius (edited April 22, 2001).] IP: Logged peredhil31 Veteran Posts: 880 Registered: May 2000 posted April 22, 2001 04:55 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Laugh out loud (myself), The funeral directions For the haiku Saint. (see the GA BH) ------------------ Elrond Peredhil, 31 Bard of Terra The Pen is Mightier than the Sword-BH Seekers of Babylon, Order of Scholars-BG A Polite Mage ~Searching for Quality, not Quantity, in posting~ ~Member of Nekkid Mages #1 Fanclub and Worshippers~ Official Member of the Mr. Bunny Fan Club IP: Logged Wyvern Veteran Posts: 732 Registered: Jul 2000 posted April 22, 2001 04:59 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wyvern quickly plots of ways to kill Finnius in order to obtain a free pair of rubber gloves and a proctology manual... if only he knew what that was.. Just kidding. GREAT post! ------------------ Wyvern ...almost a dragon. Proud Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Diplomat and representitive of Succubi or Bust (S.o.-BG Unofficial member of the Mr. Bunny fan club. "GIVE ME A CARROT GODDAMMIT!" -Mr. Bunny IP: Logged Canid Veteran Posts: 587 Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 22, 2001 06:06 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What hunger for paper? And how would the heads of thirteen newbies cure me of it???? IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 22, 2001 06:53 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Canid, I have no idea what I was thinking when I posted that. I kind of like it, though. BTW, I notice you said nothing about the hunger for human flesh... Is it true? Should we not feed the wolves? -Finnius, soon to be missing an arm. IP: Logged Canid Veteran Posts: 587 Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 22, 2001 07:05 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, it isn't my favorite meat, but herbivor/omnivor(vegans are better though) meat is all the same to me, I don't mind. Still, why not feed the wolves even then? IP: Logged Gyrfalcon Moderator Posts: 1401 Registered: Mar 2000 posted April 22, 2001 09:37 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- theres a reason I go dressed in full plate.... so much harder to gnaw on me then. And in between the wolves, cannibals and crazies, you need all the protection you can get. The heads of the previous mods! How thoughtful *grabs one by the ears and yells at it* AND YOU LEFT ME WITH THIS? HOW DARE YOU?! I'LL RESURRECT YOUR CORPSE AND THEN I'LL KILL YOU! I'M A NERVOUS WRECK BECAUSE OF THESE PEOPLE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF THEM! err..... disregard the last sentence. *forced grin* OOC: In case you can't tell, I've decided that this thread is for silliness. IP: Logged Black Veteran Posts: 1212 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 23, 2001 12:58 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Using a small illusion he makes an apple look like garlic. Then floats by. "I wont be at your funeral. But this isnt your funeral is it." He says eating his garlic. "Mmmmmmmm, good garlic." He said as he flew off. [This message has been edited by Black (edited April 23, 2001).] IP: Logged Knight Veteran Posts: 937 Registered: Jan 2001 posted April 23, 2001 03:36 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sidenote to Black: Garlic kills vampires in most myths. You know, there should be an addendum in that will somewhere for me finn. ------------------ Initiate - Mages of Forgetten Wars- Blitz II Blood Warrior of Souls- Army of Darkness Stupidity is killer. Ich hatte einen Kameraden; einen besseren findest du nicht - Once I had a comrade; a better one you could not find. Vice president of the official Mr. Bunny Fan club "..." - Mr. Bunny Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and at the worst possible time. "Duty, Honor, Country. Those three hallowed words reverently dictate what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be..." -General Douglas MacArthur IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 23, 2001 06:49 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh, don't worry Knight. This is my First Last Will. I'll make sure that you're in the next one. IP: Logged Tamaranis Veteran Posts: 822 Registered: Apr 2000 posted April 23, 2001 01:36 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How come black's infront of me for the garlic and stake? ------------------ "one man can't make a real difference, but I'm not a man, I'm a mage," -Arawn Seeker of Babylon! Probably should have changed the ? to a ! a long time ago... IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 23, 2001 01:48 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To Knight, Canid, and Tam: You people are freaking vultures! The first thing you ask after I die is "How will this help me, Where's my cut, and Why wasn't I first?" I'm DEAD!! Now that that's been said; I'm glad to see that you liked it. IP: Logged Arawn Veteran Posts: 1169 Registered: Mar 2000 posted April 23, 2001 02:02 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arawn bursts into the room, tears running from his eyes. "Alas poor, Finnus I knew her well!" Someone leans over and whispers into Arawn's ear. A look of suprise appears on his face. "Oh, sorry, I meant 'A lad poor Finnus......" The person leans over again and whispers into the Mad King's ear. Arawn turns as red as his words. "Are you sure?" The man leans over again, and whispers. "But I don't know a Finnius!" Arawn stands there for a moment thinking it over. He quickly dries his eyes "Nevermind that, where's my abacus!?" Arawn grabs it and runs off. OOC: Just kidding Fin,(Can I call you Fin? ) loved the post. IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 23, 2001 02:09 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arawn, you can call me whatever you want; with the following exceptions: Mr. Mustard Honey-san Springtime FreshMan Summanabotch Thank you for your time. IP: Logged Canid Veteran Posts: 587 Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 23, 2001 02:12 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- But, you haven't died yet! Have you? IP: Logged Black Veteran Posts: 1212 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 23, 2001 02:30 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Knight, It was an apple...not garlic. It says so in the post. IP: Logged Zool Veteran Posts: 1799 Registered: Apr 2000 posted April 23, 2001 02:44 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A baby's arm, holding a garlic? ------------------ Zool Eradication Mage Bard of Terra Doing it because; I can. The Pen is Mightier than the Sword - BH, Elder. The BrotherHood of the Night - BG, Guilty by association. Wondering if he should join Sort of Bad (S.o.B.) - BG Unofficial member of the Mr. Bunny fan club. "Sizzle... " - Mr. Bunny IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 23, 2001 02:52 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ah, Canid, ever worried about my health... IP: Logged Knight Veteran Posts: 937 Registered: Jan 2001 posted April 23, 2001 02:52 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My apologies Black. I misread your statement. ------------------ Initiate - Mages of Forgetten Wars- Blitz II Blood Warrior of Souls- Army of Darkness Stupidity is killer. Ich hatte einen Kameraden; einen besseren findest du nicht - Once I had a comrade; a better one you could not find. Vice president of the official Mr. Bunny Fan club "..." - Mr. Bunny Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and at the worst possible time. "Duty, Honor, Country. Those three hallowed words reverently dictate what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be..." -General Douglas MacArthur IP: Logged Knight Veteran Posts: 937 Registered: Jan 2001 posted April 23, 2001 02:55 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sumanabotch? that's a funny one, mein fruend. ------------------ Initiate - Mages of Forgetten Wars- Blitz II Blood Warrior of Souls- Army of Darkness Stupidity is killer. Ich hatte einen Kameraden; einen besseren findest du nicht - Once I had a comrade; a better one you could not find. Vice president of the official Mr. Bunny Fan club "..." - Mr. Bunny Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and at the worst possible time. "Duty, Honor, Country. Those three hallowed words reverently dictate what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be..." -General Douglas MacArthur IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 23, 2001 03:06 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Danke. Sprechts du was ich denchts? Seeing as I have not spoken German in quite a while, I have no idea if that was spelled correctly. I may just have embarrassed myself greatly. IP: Logged Canid Veteran Posts: 587 Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 23, 2001 03:21 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Of course I'm concerned about your health, I am a verdant mage. *Canid presents you with a pile of fresh fruit and veggies. IP: Logged Tamaranis Veteran Posts: 822 Registered: Apr 2000 posted April 23, 2001 03:41 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wouldn't eat those if I were you, there's thirteen newbie heads riding on it for her... (I don't really need you dead, cause Black gets the stuff and not me) ------------------ "one man can't make a real difference, but I'm not a man, I'm a mage," -Arawn Seeker of Babylon! Probably should have changed the ? to a ! a long time ago... IP: Logged Knight Veteran Posts: 937 Registered: Jan 2001 posted April 23, 2001 03:53 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finn, don't feel bad, my German is every bit as bad as yours. ------------------ Initiate - Mages of Forgetten Wars- Blitz II Blood Warrior of Souls- Army of Darkness Stupidity is killer. Ich hatte einen Kameraden; einen besseren findest du nicht - Once I had a comrade; a better one you could not find. Vice president of the official Mr. Bunny Fan club "..." - Mr. Bunny Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and at the worst possible time. "Duty, Honor, Country. Those three hallowed words reverently dictate what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be..." -General Douglas MacArthur IP: Logged gwaihir Moderator Posts: 979 Registered: Jun 2000 posted April 23, 2001 05:21 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tam, but maybe you want Black harmed (It is garlic and stakes, that he's being given after all)
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