Finnius Posted April 29, 2004 Report Posted April 29, 2004 Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted May 30, 2001 07:41 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OOC: This, as the name suggests, is the official propaganda machine, rumor mill, and lie factory for the conservatory. Have fun, but don't trust anyone! Except me, of course... BIC: First order of business is to lay out the power-structure: An insanely evil, yet dashingly handsome, blue-skinned mage, who shall remain nameless. And sooooo modest... The "little guy" fighting for his right to be the pope of paaaaaaaar-tahy's, also the head of the Official Mr. Bunny Fan Club: Wyvern! Gyrfalcon the Sensible, whom no one can find any literature on. A very calm wood-golem, going by the name *O*, or, "The Dinged Sphere." Second order of business, start hinting at things no right-minded person would care about: Headateline Terra: Gyrfalcon was seen talking with Rydia earlier in the week. When asked to comment, he whipped out his trademark tetsubo, and proceded to dance off into the sunset. Intercepted Letter from the Desk of Saint-maker Peredhil: While word of my "condition" should not be spread too widely, I would like you to inform the following people that I will be attending the maternity-ward funeral of a dear friend. One who is very, very close to me. (Buuurrrrrp...) Transcription of the Divorce-hearings of Finnius Jalapini-Canard O'Harpy and Scarlett O'Harpy: FJCO'H: Of course it's waranted, she tried to eat me! Judge Lump: Wouldn't that normally be a good thing? SO'H: Not like that, you [editted] moron! Imply it one more time, I dare you... JL: Yes'm. FJCO'H: [Hangs head in hands.] Rumors on the street: Hydrus may be co-writing a movie with Lord Kendricke, a likely story, as the two are known to be on friendly terms. The UBB's will be shunned in the near future for a more time-and-money saving process. Bead has denied this, but we all know how he is. The sainthoods, given out previously by Peredhil as a compliment to certain mages, will become an intrinsic part of AM in the next reset. The mechanics of this are still in construction, but are said to be "Something like the Quest for Glory." Following Up: I post this, not out of humor, not out of jest, not out of comedy, not out of repetitiveness, but out of journalistic integrity. These stories need to come into the light, to be exposed for our sick amusement. If you, or anyone you know, has any information on the preceding pieces of absolute truth, or anything you think may be of interest, please don't hesitate to post. Oh yeah, any coverage on the whispered "Tzimfemme: In the Clothed" should be accompanied by photos. Thanks. -Finnius, Integritist [This message has been edited by Finnius (edited May 30, 2001).] IP: Logged Tamaranis Veteran Posts: 822 Registered: Apr 2000 posted May 30, 2001 08:31 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looks out Finnius! The mods might delete this thread in light of all this recent talk of so called spam. They're trying to stop you from telling the truth! ------------------ "one man can't make a real difference, but I'm not a man, I'm a mage" -Arawn Seeker of Babylon! Probably should have changed the ? to a ! a long time ago... [This message has been edited by Tamaranis (edited May 30, 2001).] IP: Logged Gyrfalcon Moderator Posts: 1401 Registered: Mar 2000 posted May 30, 2001 10:07 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This one ain't doing so, even if he isn't quite sure what a 'tetsubo' is, and is too tired to go look it up right now. =) IP: Logged The Big Pointy One Veteran Posts: 709 Registered: Apr 2000 posted May 31, 2001 01:10 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My guess is that it's one of those big round straw hats that look like a big upside-down bowl... IP: Logged Tiax Veteran Posts: 636 Registered: Sep 2000 posted May 31, 2001 11:37 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I thought it was that guy in Akira... IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted May 31, 2001 11:56 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No, no, no. A tetsubo is a bit like a large club covered in small, round spikes, then plated in metal. It is mainly a bashing weapon, requiring very little thought to use. For more useless information, contact your local library, kyuden, or Hida. Thank you. IP: Logged The Big Pointy One Veteran Posts: 709 Registered: Apr 2000 posted June 01, 2001 01:08 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ah, so that's why BPS' cousin is called BigPointyTetsubo... I see.... IP: Logged Gyrfalcon Moderator Posts: 1401 Registered: Mar 2000 posted June 01, 2001 11:30 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ohhhh.... okay, now I understand. Actually, I might have to get myself one of those for enemies who don't take much damage from being chopped up.... a big armor-plated club might be right up their alley. =) IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted June 04, 2001 10:30 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- News from the Rumor Mill! As those of you who play BS know, Armageddon came early this reset. Word on the street has it that this may have co-incided with the death of our favorite Tetsubonic Mod, Gyrfalcon. Whether or not this is the "easy way" to end the world is yet to be seen. In related news, The Big Pointy One has been seen purusing Crazy Djahab's Import Weapon Depot. He was later reported to have been noticed swinging a Die-tsuchi-modified BPS. *** Could it be true? This reporter has it on good confidence that Tzimfemme the Nekkid, Patron Saint of errrrrr... Nekkidness... has been known to be a closet dresser. And not the furniture kind. *** Dateline Terra, A few days ago: The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword, the legendary literary group of the UBB's has declared itself an official guild. When questioned about this, Elder Wyvern responded "We just felt it was time to become more of a mainstream political force in Terra at large. Jechum has predicted a probable ten percent increase in guild revenues, and we have Peredhil hard at work makin- err, recruiting, new members. Also, we're interested in branching into several new markets, such as training newbies, setting up midnight nimball programs for inner-city youths, and evil." No other elders were available for comment, but we can trust Wyv, right? Right?! *** Well, gossip-mongers, that's all for now. Remember: If nobody sees that fifth ace, it's not there. ------------------ Finnius, Blues-man A Saint of Terra, The man with the rubber soul, Glib haiku writer. IP: Logged Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted July 02, 2001 04:16 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The lie factory has been silent for quite some time now, mainly due to my involvement in the following story. And by "story," I mean "journalistic artwork that should never, for any reason, be doubted." Dateline Terra, The Evil Castle of Mhaoree: Bead, the despotic despot of All Terra, sits alone in the tallest tower of his evil castle. Alone, that is, except for the six other people in the room. One is easily recognizable as Gyrfalcon by the small armor-plated tree on his back. Another has his identity confirmed when he shuffles nervously, turning his cloaked form towards the hidden camera in the upper-lefthand corner. Wyvern, Elder of the Pen. The other four are hidden at this point, cloaked in deep crimson and black... err... cloaks. Bead the Almighty, Destroyer of Worlds, speaks. "I have gathered you all here because you represent major factions in Terra. As you know, the market for evil is somewhat... lacking. This must not be allowed to continue!" With this, he slams his fist onto a near-by coffee table, shattering it in a blaze of purple polyester fury. He continues. "To this end, I am conscripting you to bring about the final destruction of Terra. This will be done in a thread entitled The Final Destruction of Terra, seeing as the corporate lawyers of the underworld were unable to lease the name Apocalypse Now. Personally, I think that would have had a nicer ring to it, but what can you do?" The assembled avatars of destruction laugh politely. Bead continues, yet again. "Yes, yes. Enough. Now, who wants tea squares?" At this point, the video gets somewhat boring, as all it shows is evil incarnate having tea. The film runs out, just as Bead is setting up the board for a nice game of Chutes and Ladders. _____________________________________________ As you can see, Terra seems to be in a bit of trouble. But rest assured, I will continue to cover this quite-possibly groundbreaking news, as it happens. IP: Logged TimeRipper Veteran Posts: 195 Registered: Jun 2001 posted July 02, 2001 07:14 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Terra Globe : Vol.120; Issue.23; Section 3-A Dateline Terra Is Said to be Fraud! A few angry mages stormed into the lobby of the Finnius Corp. yesterday. When the mages arrived, however, a full allege crew of top writers and undercover reporters were hard at work trying to crack real life mysteries. Others still believe that the newspaper is still a phony, though, and continue their fights in the courtrooms. "It's all lies! Completely unreal!" Commented Gyrfalcon, one of the mages caught up in this proposed conspiracy. "Whatever stories come off the presses inside that building should not be believed. Especially since I don't play Chutes and Ladders, only Candyland...and Monopoly Jr., but that's it, I swear." Later, we caught up with Finnius, the paper's editor and owner of the Finnius Corp., who would not comment on the situation, but gave us this written statement: "My articles are 99% legit. I can not believe how everyone is reacting to my new press release. I'm only a writer looking for a story that is absolutely truthful and honest. If innocent people get in the way of my stories, should I be the ones responsible for what the reactions are by others if they’re the ones that have done these enflaming mishaps?" After handing our reporter the documentation of his thoughts, Finnius retreated to the comfort of his office. There, evil laughter could be heard calling out of the windows for the next few minutes. Later this weak, the courts will cast their decision on whether to allow the printers to keep rolling of to deny Finnius the rights to ever sell newspapers publicly again.
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