Finnius Posted April 25, 2004 Report Posted April 25, 2004 If I could have one more day, To tell you what I felt, To say the words that want to fall, From off my cracking lips, If I could have another week, Or just an hour of your time, Would it make a difference, Would you still be mine? Or would my heart be broken, Bleeding like it is, And cracked and shattered still, As hard as it once was, It will never be again. A part of me still wishes, That I had that one day back, Wants to trade in my tomorrows, Or just give up and leave. I want what I can't have, I have what I don't want, I live in desperation, Of one more passing day.
Merelas Posted April 25, 2004 Report Posted April 25, 2004 It's incredibly sad... You describe a feeling that many of us have very well, and the pain of the protagonist is clearly felt through the vocabulary and word usage. The rhythym is a little odd, I don't know if you meant it that way or not, but I sort of like it... its unique, and extremely well done!
DL_Snake Posted April 25, 2004 Report Posted April 25, 2004 I'[m not familiar with this type of poetry but the meaning is very insightful
Peredhil Posted April 25, 2004 Report Posted April 25, 2004 I've this "Thing" for Gut Poetry. This feels like one. *hugs* Sometimes you just hold onto doing one day, one hour, or even one breath, at a time. -P
Gwaihir Posted April 25, 2004 Report Posted April 25, 2004 Thank you for writing this, Finn. It's a cool piece and...I wish your heart peace.
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