HopperWolf Posted April 24, 2004 Report Posted April 24, 2004 ok, I'm just kinda writing this off the cuff so here goes. don't blame me if it goes wrong. He is alone As that is how it would be had, Whilst on the field Where contenders have With bloody rage, Lost themselves. He is alone, For blood was spilled upon this plain, And by his hand A fellow slain, And a man withdrawn A man no more. He is alone, To fend the world's cruelists barbs, Though without the touch, His blackened heart Would move to stop And bring him down.
BlackCagedHeart Posted May 3, 2004 Report Posted May 3, 2004 I enjoyed it. Quite frankly, I don't understand why I'm first to say so! You did well, and I should expect more from you! ^-^ BlackCagedHeart
Vlad Posted May 11, 2004 Report Posted May 11, 2004 The repetition of the first line ands an interesting element. I got the image of a commando in a battlefield going against the entire world. The whole image of the poem as a whole is a bit fragmented, and leaves too much to the imagination. There is perhaps a murder, but why? And what happens afterwards to this man. Is he alone in heart or in spirit? A fellow slain, And a man withdrawn Those lines didn't sit with me.I'm not really sure what they represent, but they seem to show contradictory images. At least contradictory characters. The first line is aggressive, The second very passive. Overall a good work. Just needs a bit of polishing up.
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