purple_shadows Posted April 19, 2004 Report Posted April 19, 2004 Don’t say the things You can’t know are true Quit making promises That you cannot keep Things aren’t as predictable As you seem to think All it takes is the blink of an eye And everything changes In an instant Forever Your unspoken words It hurts just to think
Yui-chan Posted April 19, 2004 Report Posted April 19, 2004 This reminds me very much of the hurt words you might actually say aloud to someone else, and I think that realistic edge helps it vibrate a few heartstrings. While 'evocative' might be too strong of a word, this is a piece that sets up a little dull ache because of the emotions it conveys. Good work. I think that this would benefit from some punctuation, too. Especially in the last two lines, I felt as though the careful application of a hyphen or comma would have helped guide the reading to more precisely match the stream of thoughts. Of course, not everyone is as fond of punctuation as I am. It's a very fine piece, purple_shadows. Thank you for sharing. Yours, ~Yui
BlackCagedHeart Posted August 26, 2004 Report Posted August 26, 2004 Aw......It's pretty! I am SO GLAD to be able to read and write stuff here again! I missed reading your awesome stuff!!! Peace and Love! <love> BlackCagedHeart
Recommended Posts